Happiness as a Goal: “Is it getting better or do you feel the same?”

Picture of the day: My man and... his man. To clarify - the picture is not related to the post. I just really like it. I want to make sure important people get a little face time on here!

I am reading The How of Happiness, A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want by Sonja Lyubomirsky. This sounds soooooo very self-help and as a result I never would have bought this book before this move. However, I am coming back to the bay for part of the summer at least, if not longer, and I will be taking a UCB course in psychology from one of my favorite UC professors. The course is on happiness and this book is required reading. Thus, I thought, why not get a head start? I want to be happier and I am reading plenty of books on happiness anyway. At the end of the summer I will try (assuming our home is FINALLY sold) to go to a woman wellness retreat to do more yoga and meditating. If you are interested email me! I would love to share the experience.

The author is a very reputable social psychologist at the UC Riverside campus. She has spent her career studying human happiness. She wrote this book to get some of the scientific research to the general public. In light of the new cultural fad of happiness self help – like “the Happiness Project” by Gretchen Rubin – Lyubomirsky wants to get some valid researched concepts to achieving happiness out there.

Part-One of the Book Wrap Up.
Happiness can be broken down into a pie chart:

1. 10% Circumstances: This includes money, martial status, locale etc.

Many people over-assume how much life circumstances influence their happiness. People (like my man and myself) assume that more money, better jobs and relocation have a larger impact on happiness than they actual do. In Raising Happiness by Christine Carter it is pointed out that money does not factor into being happier, BUT when you do not have enough to cover the necessities it leads to unhappiness. Therefore after covering the basic necessities money does not continue to influence happiness. Neither does beauty or relationship status.

2. 50% Set Point: Also known as, genetics.

There is an individual set point based on genetics; however, it only accounts for 50% of happiness. To be fair this is a lot. It is not the end all. If you are predisposed to be less happy than the next person it just mean you need to work on that crucial 40%.

3. 40% Intentional Activity: What we can change with, what Lyubomirsky says is, “how you behave, what you think, and what goals you set every day of your life.”

Here Lyubomirsky refers to the serenity prayer. A prayer I have in my cell phone. It is one that I am not in ‘substance’ need of, but possible subsistence need of. “G-d, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

The prayer (in my opinion) is beautiful and one that is applicable to anyone – especially those looking for how to increase the 40% of malleable happiness in their lives. Knowing what we can change (intentional activity) and what we can not change (genetics and a good deal of environmental/circumstantial elements). Most importantly, we can not change other people - only ourselves.

So… I am going to run with that 40% and accept the 60% that I can not control – nor do I have any desire to try.