I was hoping to get our family update done before I got our holiday cards out. 

Oh, well.  Here is our late for the holidays and on time for the New Year family update!

Our family in 2013 traveled a lot (at least within the United States itself).  South Dakota, Minnesota (x3), Nebraska (x2), Washington (x2), California (x2) and of course Colorado.  Plus we went to Mexico (a first for everyone in our family).  We went to the Minnesota Ren Faire twice, the Mall of America too much, stayed at an indoor water park and saw Cirque du Soleil in MN.  We finally went to the top of the Space Needle, went to the Glass Museum, hit the Tech Museum, plus Aquarium in Seattle, WA.  We even got a front row view of the May Day riots in Seattle (from the safety of our hotel room window).  We went to San Diego, hanging out on the beach and eventually visited Disneyland with Grandparents. We went abroad to Mexico where we met many interesting people at Club Med, spent time with my man's side of the family for Opa's 70th birthday and toured the Maya ruins, specifically the Chichen Itza.  We moved from South Dakota to Colorado - which is why I can say we visited Nebraska twice.  Our first trip to Nebraska was to the best zoo in the US! While our the second trip to Nebraska was just a lot of driving through it to Colorado.  Got into Colorado right on time for the floods that got national news attention, plus a lot of phone calls from my mom checking in. Since living in Colorado we have been to many street fairs, farmers markets, the pumpkin patch, the art museum and the science/natural history museum.  Both girls have started/continued with instruments.  Beezus is playing violin and Ramona has taken up the Cello.  We lived in two houses and two apartments this year.  I organized one Halloween party and a fourth grade event.  Our ducks went to live on a farm (for real).  We are down to two cats and one dog.

We continued with old traditions this year and started new ones.  Friday movie night is probably one of the most important traditions in our family, both because we like movies, and also because I like ordering out for food.  I do not have to cook AND my man gets his pizza. 

We tried to stay busy this year and succeeded, maybe we were too busy this year... by the end we were all sick and tired. So I think next year we might travel less and have people travel to us more.  And where we will try to keep up doing things on the weekend, we might try to learn to ride bikes and walk to the park, instead of taking weekend trips places.  We really want to go camping (and can meet South Dakotans in the Black Hills or Nebraska or take Californians/New Yorkers who travel to us out to do CO camping) and this winter we hope to sled and ice skate a bunch!

For us the new year will jump start with my man getting back surgery for his stenosis.  The last six months of this year have been very painful for him and we hope that the surgery which is scheduled in a few weeks will fix that.  Beezus got braces right before the holidays, we already see a huge difference and hope to report them being taken off before new years 2015!

Lastly, what I learned about traveling, especially in relation to the typical holiday card update (the list of places we have been that make us "exciting" or whatever) is that the best parts of the year had nothing to do with where we were located.  It is neat to list our travels out, just see what we were up too, but the best parts of 2013 were less grandiose than the holiday update.

My best memory of this entire year was on my birthday.  My whole family was sitting on a hotel bed in MN watching a cartoon movie: my kids, my baby and my husband eating desserts glued to the TV screen.  I practically cried with joy watching my youngest scoot up to the edge of the bed to sit with his sisters.  He was obviously so proud to be one of the older kids, he kept looking back at me with a happy grin before going back to the movie and in that moment my family felt complete and perfect.  I can travel and move anywhere, but home is my family and the little moments are perfection.

The little man's Xmas list

If you want something very, very badly, let it go free.  If it comes back to you, it’s yours forever.  If it doesn’t, it was never yours to begin with. - Jesse Lair  (Quote Investigator)

I tried to explain the above saying to my 15 month old son today.  Of course it is a bit beyond him, but why not start early?  Or, in our case, when it seems extremely necessary.  My little man is infatuated with our mechanical vacuum, our Roomba, aka Marble (the girls named it, plus added a label in case we forget).  It could be love for our little man.  A pet that does not mind toys being placed on it's back or being followed around the room and poked.  A pet that will stop when he pushes the button and go when he pushes the same button again.  For our little man this has become a smothering sort of love: the type of love where he wants to sit on it and ride it around the room, as well as, a draining sort of love, the type of love where when Marble needs rest the little man wants it to move, so he pokes it, pushes it and screams at it. 

Our little man did not care for my explanation to let it be and it would come back.  If "mommy shut up" was in his vocabulary he would have used that phrase on me today.  Or if he had learned to cover my mouth, like his oldest sister did at the same age to quiet me, he would have done that.  Instead he pointed at Marble over and over, making his "mommy fix this!" noise.  I continued to attempt to explain the concept, in easier and easier terms, while he become more and more frustrated.  I think it ended with, "leave it alone".  I admit, not quite the lovely saying above, but a step above "leave it", which is what I use on our dog.  I felt this was the perfect situation to explain to my son relationships.  It is safe to teach him this with the Roomba, since, once charged, the Roomba will come back.  After all, once he is older I want to know he will give his significant other space. 

Yet after telling him to leave it over and over and seeing him slowly panic more and more (I assume he thought the Roomba was gone forever).  I decided to put the situation in terms that might have made more sense for the little man.  "The Roomba needs a nap.  It is nighty-nighty time for Roomba."  The little man may as well said, "ahhhhh".  He seemed much happier once he understood that even the mechanical pets need to sleep on occasion.  After leaving the Roomba tucked in having a nap, the little man went back to pushing his car around the room.  And chasing the cats.

Happy Friday! From our cat.

I have been asked, in the past:  how can a parent help their child if they are being bullied?  

I read a lot of books and looked up plenty of articles with different advice and theories.  I have written on here about some of them, but I firmly believe to help your child you need to move them.  Move them to a different school, if possible a different neighborhood or city.  They need a clean slate.  Let them know it is not their fault, that sometimes people are cruel.  This advice is not "giving up".  The bully does not win.  It is giving a gift to your child.  They can still have a wonderful childhood, one in which they are accepted and free from stress.  They should not have to be a figurehead for justice, or a martyr for a cause, they deserve to just be a regular child at school.

This might not be doable for everyone, economics and other life logistics can complicate or even negate moving as a viable solution.   This is why this advice is hard to give out. And often, this advice is just not given at all.  The idea that a bullied kid is helpless to the system, doomed to the drudgery of everyday bullying, at the mercy of officials that might at best be apathetic and at worst just not care, is untrue.

To grasp the need for this advice imagine bullying as a bully giving your kid a highly contagious and fatal disease.  Everybody is now afraid to help, because they do not want to get sick.  No one is an objective bystander, because of their fear.  This is true of your child's peers, as well as the administration.  No one wants to admit it, but once the bully gets their target picked out, and the harassment is bad enough that the parent is informed, the rest the school has taken a step back from the target.  School administrators do not want the taint of a poor reputation or potential legal action and frankly some officials are lazy or stupid (watch the film Bully to see what I mean).  Avoid complications, avoid conflict and deny, deny, deny - this is the safest line of school defense. It is easier and better for the school if the problem is the bullied child and the parent or parents of that child.  The other students do not want to be next in line to be bullied - so they either ostracize your child or they join the bully.  Joining the bully seems incomprehensible; however, it is done in hopes the allegiance to the stronger party will keep them safe. Survival of the fittest.

Three years ago a little boy choose to bully my daughter.  Why?  Well, she was seated next to him the first few weeks of first grade.  There is no other reason outside of pure proximity.  What started as stealing her school supplies and poking her quickly escalated into detailed death threats.  She was followed around the playground as he described ripping her head off, among other disturbing imagery.  It is hard to blame the other first graders for taking a step back.  That is some scary shit for first grade; however, why the bully was not expelled is beyond me.  We pushed to have actions taken and were kept at arms length on any of the potential repercussions of his transgressions.  His behavior was as far outside the limitations of appropriate behavior as he could get, unless he actually tried to make good on his threats.  It was explained to me, almost as an excuse, he played violent video games.  WTF, who cares.  Expel the kid regardless of his video game time.  I guess I was under the strange impression school taught students, but I guess the buck stops at how their state tests scores are looking, how they treat each other is not relevant without money to back it.

What affect did this have on my daughter.  Well, what affect would this have on anyone?  She had nightmares and a hard time sleeping.  She had stomachaches and headaches as a result of stress.  Her self-esteem suffered: she worried about her intelligence and her looks.  Her academic progress stopped cold. In the first weeks of first grade she stopped learning.  We were given IEP services for her "depression", but only if we agreed the "depression" had started before she began school in their district - covering their asses in case I brought up her "depression" was directly related to the bullying.  We ended up repeating first grade, at my request.  She not only needed to catch up academically, but I hoped to gain some space from a peer group tainted against her.

Because no adults at the school told her it was not her fault, and they never stuck up for her by expelling the bully she internalized a sense of worthlessness which was reinforced by the other students taking a step back.

Bullying is a public form of humiliation and debasement.  Everyone who does not speak out against it approves it.   Not indirectly, not by accident, there is no oops, sorry.  The way to stop it has to be public intolerance.  Expelling bullies is a public and clear message from the administration to the school, students and the victim that bullying is unacceptable.  

Expulsion makes it clear who is actually in the wrong, in a society that looks for blame in the victim.  Bullies look for a physical trait they can expose as "dorky" (braces, glasses, teeth, tall, short, large, small - you name it), they look for a verbal quirkiness (stutter, phrasing) ,they look for a different skin color, sexual orientation, mental capabilities or even a blush or laugh that they can exploit.  Once the bully latches on to a target the rest of us see this trait for the first time, and secretly we nod to ourselves, oh, I can see why that kid is being bullied.  We reassure ourselves that we are different, we are okay.  Sadly, this is bullshit.  Please look in the mirror, listen to yourself talk there is something there that someone can exploit.  Don't kid yourself.  Bullying is the luck of the draw.  Which is why when I say there is noting different, no fault in the kid being bullied I mean it.  The problem is the bully.  The fault is with the bully.  The characteristic that is unacceptable to society is the bullies need to victimize others. 

It is time to validate the children who are bulled.  Who are worthwhile, who matter.  Punishing the bully with expulsion validates a child being bulled who is otherwise told by society they do not matter.  And my daughter matters.

We have moved.  In our new hometown my daughter is considered a valuable part of her community.  She is doing well in school, she is an artist, a friend, and is most importantly happy!  Today she is heading off to a classroom beach party and life is good.  I want to forget about that one year of bullying we experienced, but that would be doing a disservice to other children out there.  Not everyone can pack up and move from a bad situation.  So it is important as a human being to support children who are bullied, to make it clear it is not their fault, and to voice that the public school system needs to start taking responsibility for the behavior of their students.

Spent the day preparing for the kids Halloween parties. For those who wonder what a stay at home mom does with her time, one of the things I did today was create juice box zombies.  I hope  these little guys make great memories for my daughter and her friends.  Took about thirty minutes while the little man napped.  Just one if the many tasks on the "complete before Halloween" list.

Happy Wednesday night!

Simple things I learned

& 

The Weekend Before Halloween! 

 

The secret to a successful move, and life, is keeping busy.  I learned that from a dear friend in Sioux Falls, South Dakota.  She is humble and does not like it when I point out what I have learned from her.  So I feel mildly guilty when I say, "whatever" and decide to hold her on pedestal anyway.   I will proclaim that she taught me that you cannot wait for the world to come to you - you need to embrace the world!  To reference my title, this as a concept is simple and some people do not have to move to South Dakota to figure that out.  I on the other hand learned, in part due to being starved for things to do in a bitterly cold environment, that taking advantage of what is around you is important part of experiencing life.

In less general terms this means looking for local attractions, events, fun and going to it.  I moved to the right place to try this out, Colorado has large community which embraces this very simple understanding of life.  There is always, always a local event worth trying.  I understand why many of the local cities are considered the happiest in the USA (source CNN money - so, if you think your community is better, take it up with CNN money).  Everybody is always out embracing life - with music, festivals, farmers markets and giant inflatable balls we stick our kids in and watch them run into things!  (See picture below). 

Another reason I am sure that some of our local cities are the happiest in the country are the many local restaurants designed for families.  When I say designed for families I do not mean Chuckie Cheese (which is more like parent hell with loud noises, blinking lights, tracking down your kids, trying not to step one someone else's angel, demands for tickets, demands for money, demands for candy, demands for demands, fights and the grand finale full on meltdowns!  The type of meltdown where you end up dragging your little red faced, tear streaked cherub from the Las Vegas style clinking and clacking machines home - all the while assuring the staff you are not kidnapping your own kid).  I do not mean they have great kid menus with Kraft Macaroni & Cheese and hot dogs (which they chargeyou five bucks for and you could have made at home), or adults in cartoon character suits (which you always wonder what kind of adult is hidden inside), or clowns, or ponies, or crayons (which my son eats or throws at passing waitresses).  What I mean is they have outdoor seating with sun, and fresh air, as well as areas for the kids to do kid stuff AND they serve amazing drinks! 

This weekend our outdoor restaurant had solid Margaritas, plus a place for the kids to draw on the sidewalk with chalk (fenced in), plus a grassy area to run around.  Not only are these kid activities effective and less artificial (no blinking lights, no electronic games, no huge walking teddy bears), there are always kids taking advantage of them.   No one is tense about their children playing - we can see them, they have the fresh air and are less sensory overloaded, thus,(sometimes) they fight less.  It feels more like eating at a park with a waitress and a nice buzz, which is, also a simple lesson to a happy life, superior to eating in an indoor, uptight restaurant and trying to bribe my son with fries to keep him from climbing on to the table and flinging food like a monkey at the zoo.  Or bribing my daughters to not fight with the iPad and Kindle Fire.  One of the first local digs we tried out is an Ice cream shop with an outdoor play area and inflated rubber cows for infants, toddlers and the kids to jump on and wrestle with.  They do not allow dogs inside the fenced off human area (and whereas I love dogs it is nice to know my children can play without ending up in a mess).

We spent Saturday downtown.  We grabbed a bite to eat at an outdoor restaurant, (with, as I feel the need to restate, amazing margaritas), trick or treated from store to store, watched the annual Halloween 10k and 5k runners finished their marathon (I told the family next year we are hitting the 5k - it was the kids marathon!), and finished up at one of our favorite ice cream places (the ones with the rubber cows). 

Sunday we hit the local pumpkin patch!  Well, one of the local pumpkin patches, turns out there are a lot. I learned a couple things about pumpkin patches that I will pass on:

• Hit the Pumpkin Patch Early in the Season.  It was a little depressing to see how many rotted and smashed pumpkins there were... it was also very hard to find ones we liked. 
• Know that you understand the simple and enlighten truth about life - doing things is healthy, no matter how your family acts!  The kids may have stated several times, "I like when we got to Target and just buy pretty pumpkins", they also said things like, "this is hot", and my man might have grumbled "this sucks".   And maybe your son does not face you when you try to snag a quick, cute autumn shot for the baby book (see above picture).  Just know you are doing the right thing, even when you are hot, sweaty hot, and holding an overtired child and a camera that is too heavy (especially when you have an iPhone that takes fine photos), and you kids have backwashed in all the bottled water you brought, and you find yourself snapping, "no" a lot more than you envisioned...sigh... you are doing the right thing!  BEcause, near the end of the couple hours in the Colorado heat, and the pillaged pumpkin patch you kids get to try something new and fun, being put in inflatable balls in water and running into each other!  Then you know, it was worth it to simply leave the house and do something fun!

This might lead to a more than a few tiring weekends, but it also has led to a bunch of wild adventures.

 

Happy Tuesday Everybody!

Be grateful, Monday if over...

(this week)