Simple things I learned

& 

The Weekend Before Halloween! 

 

The secret to a successful move, and life, is keeping busy.  I learned that from a dear friend in Sioux Falls, South Dakota.  She is humble and does not like it when I point out what I have learned from her.  So I feel mildly guilty when I say, "whatever" and decide to hold her on pedestal anyway.   I will proclaim that she taught me that you cannot wait for the world to come to you - you need to embrace the world!  To reference my title, this as a concept is simple and some people do not have to move to South Dakota to figure that out.  I on the other hand learned, in part due to being starved for things to do in a bitterly cold environment, that taking advantage of what is around you is important part of experiencing life.

In less general terms this means looking for local attractions, events, fun and going to it.  I moved to the right place to try this out, Colorado has large community which embraces this very simple understanding of life.  There is always, always a local event worth trying.  I understand why many of the local cities are considered the happiest in the USA (source CNN money - so, if you think your community is better, take it up with CNN money).  Everybody is always out embracing life - with music, festivals, farmers markets and giant inflatable balls we stick our kids in and watch them run into things!  (See picture below). 

Another reason I am sure that some of our local cities are the happiest in the country are the many local restaurants designed for families.  When I say designed for families I do not mean Chuckie Cheese (which is more like parent hell with loud noises, blinking lights, tracking down your kids, trying not to step one someone else's angel, demands for tickets, demands for money, demands for candy, demands for demands, fights and the grand finale full on meltdowns!  The type of meltdown where you end up dragging your little red faced, tear streaked cherub from the Las Vegas style clinking and clacking machines home - all the while assuring the staff you are not kidnapping your own kid).  I do not mean they have great kid menus with Kraft Macaroni & Cheese and hot dogs (which they chargeyou five bucks for and you could have made at home), or adults in cartoon character suits (which you always wonder what kind of adult is hidden inside), or clowns, or ponies, or crayons (which my son eats or throws at passing waitresses).  What I mean is they have outdoor seating with sun, and fresh air, as well as areas for the kids to do kid stuff AND they serve amazing drinks! 

This weekend our outdoor restaurant had solid Margaritas, plus a place for the kids to draw on the sidewalk with chalk (fenced in), plus a grassy area to run around.  Not only are these kid activities effective and less artificial (no blinking lights, no electronic games, no huge walking teddy bears), there are always kids taking advantage of them.   No one is tense about their children playing - we can see them, they have the fresh air and are less sensory overloaded, thus,(sometimes) they fight less.  It feels more like eating at a park with a waitress and a nice buzz, which is, also a simple lesson to a happy life, superior to eating in an indoor, uptight restaurant and trying to bribe my son with fries to keep him from climbing on to the table and flinging food like a monkey at the zoo.  Or bribing my daughters to not fight with the iPad and Kindle Fire.  One of the first local digs we tried out is an Ice cream shop with an outdoor play area and inflated rubber cows for infants, toddlers and the kids to jump on and wrestle with.  They do not allow dogs inside the fenced off human area (and whereas I love dogs it is nice to know my children can play without ending up in a mess).

We spent Saturday downtown.  We grabbed a bite to eat at an outdoor restaurant, (with, as I feel the need to restate, amazing margaritas), trick or treated from store to store, watched the annual Halloween 10k and 5k runners finished their marathon (I told the family next year we are hitting the 5k - it was the kids marathon!), and finished up at one of our favorite ice cream places (the ones with the rubber cows). 

Sunday we hit the local pumpkin patch!  Well, one of the local pumpkin patches, turns out there are a lot. I learned a couple things about pumpkin patches that I will pass on:

• Hit the Pumpkin Patch Early in the Season.  It was a little depressing to see how many rotted and smashed pumpkins there were... it was also very hard to find ones we liked. 
• Know that you understand the simple and enlighten truth about life - doing things is healthy, no matter how your family acts!  The kids may have stated several times, "I like when we got to Target and just buy pretty pumpkins", they also said things like, "this is hot", and my man might have grumbled "this sucks".   And maybe your son does not face you when you try to snag a quick, cute autumn shot for the baby book (see above picture).  Just know you are doing the right thing, even when you are hot, sweaty hot, and holding an overtired child and a camera that is too heavy (especially when you have an iPhone that takes fine photos), and you kids have backwashed in all the bottled water you brought, and you find yourself snapping, "no" a lot more than you envisioned...sigh... you are doing the right thing!  BEcause, near the end of the couple hours in the Colorado heat, and the pillaged pumpkin patch you kids get to try something new and fun, being put in inflatable balls in water and running into each other!  Then you know, it was worth it to simply leave the house and do something fun!

This might lead to a more than a few tiring weekends, but it also has led to a bunch of wild adventures.

 

Happy Tuesday Everybody!

Be grateful, Monday if over...

(this week)

The Weather – Yeah, again.

Many people might wonder. What do you DO out there in South Dakota? And the answers can vary.

1. I have gone to one of the local libraries.

2. I have become a member of the butterfly house – where I take photos of butterflies. Facebook friends you know what I’m talk’in ‘bout. I am winking right now.

In fact, the butterfly house has really only helped me realize a macro lens would be nice. My new found, and frankly, distractible, dilettante interest in photographing butterflies has led me to look for local camera shops that rent equipment – which then led me to realize…

3. I have looked for, but not found a local camera shop. I say this tentatively. Perhaps I have missed it. There are nonetheless tattoo parlors and casinos. This makes me think I am supposed to get a tattoo. There are also tornadoes. Have I mentioned that before? This makes me think about photographing tornadoes.

4. I have learned that a robust disdain for the winter is not limited to families relocated to South Dakota. The locals really despise the severity and duration of winter. A poll taken on a popular South Dakota mom internet group site asked what people liked the most about the winter months and the resounding answer was “it ends”.

The local radio station's morning show held a call in session asking listeners to share what they are doing to get through the winter months and escape the seasonal depression. The suggestions where typical "I work out", "I eat", "I clean", "I vacation" etc. This is first time it occurred to me that I was not alone in feeling very "down" as a result of the weather. That in fact the entire community was "feeling it". Without realizing it, I was taking part in an important community ritual.

Thus the cultural anthropologist in me believes it is a form of authenticity to gripe about the weather conditions. I believe this means I have gone through my initial hazing and thus have reached a point of belonging. Like a badge I wear my disgruntlement for the weather. I have survived my first Midwest battle with Mother Nature and I was not broken. I did, nevertheless…

5. Plot my escape. This plot includes organizing, repacking, tossing out nonessentials (make sure I can travel light and rapidly), learning the route to the airport, kissing up to my mom so I can crash on her sofa and lamenting the kids being stuck in school till summer. I joke. Really. I swear I am stronger than -22 degrees.

6. I became a member of the local children’s museum. The museum includes an Imax, an art museum, a theater and camps for kids. The kids prefer the water table. Of course I could buy a cheap water table and put in our back yard – well, if it would not freeze.

7. I took the kids to the local zoo/natural history museum. This is where the picture is from. They have live and stuffed animals there. In Beezus terms they have both the living animals and animal heaven.

A fast Beezus logic recap: When Beezus was younger she determined that taxidermies, especially the ones in the Lindsay Wildlife Museum are where animals went to heaven. She takes the remains as the physical essence of the dead or at least did then. At the zoo out here she was much, much more interested in the gift shop. She is becoming more concerned with being a good ol’American consumer now. Heaven! Phuff that is obviously spending her allowance on gimmicks at the mall.

8. As a family we have started hanging out at the mall once a month. It smells great, unlike the zoo. BIG PROBLEM with malls now. We can not eat anything there regardless of the smell. Gluten issues. All those sweet memories of going to the mall eating a lipid heavy cinnamon bun are gone. To be fair I could never get away with that kind of snack again anyway, but it is worth noting the mall is not a gluten friendly place.

9. I have started to volunteer in local communities. One is a mental health organization aimed at ending stigmatism against mentally ill through education and group counseling for families.

10. I joined a book club. I did give them the disclaimer that I do not really critique books well. Yet, I do like to read. I felt being literate added to the group. The club consists of a group of women with little kids.

One woman’s husband works with my man. We double date. It is not a big deal. It is just kinda our status. I am being casual. Nonchalant. They know of Settlers, but they might not LOVE it, like we do.

My new take on dating, any form, not fun. Playdates, double dates. It is the constant looking for someone you are compatible with and unfortunately the endless interviewing, nervously trying out your sense of humor and finding where the boundaries on politics are established. I just need my pre-established network which has long ago been worn down by my bawdy and somewhat depraved sense of humor and my “fracking” liberal views (someone here described them that way for me - I never swear). By the way…

11. I have not broken down and joined a church yet. This is laziness. Though, it occurred to me recently that churches are FREE karaoke bars. This makes church vastly more interesting. I want to find one with a choir, preferably one that likes blues, lilth faire and rock n roll! Not joking. Free vocal lessons and a community that gets together to sing for fun. Count me in.

12. I have gotten to know my neighbors and our kids now can run between the houses freely to play. It makes my man and I seem old school 1950s style and social.

I will end this post with some good old weather talk. The snow is finally melting. Ramona insisted on wearing her snow pants to school today, even though, most kids are not at this point. Beezus who is ridiculously skinny is almost never cold, was thrilled to ditch her snow pants. Yeah, we might be hitting spring. It is time for lightening storms. Of course that means I might want to take photos of lightening.

Desperately searching for the fimiliar

My hope is always to report how swell the move is going and how well we are all adjusting. Right now it seems we have half the family doing well and half the family struggling. Sadly Beezus and I are not adjusting the way I would have hoped. On the flip side Ramona is quite pleased and my man seems sufficiently satisfied.

Beezus misses her life in California. She misses her grandma. She misses her friends. She misses her teacher. Beezus avidly dislikes the snow and cold. I can tell this takes a toll on her father and though I try to remain strong in front of her - constantly reassuring her that we can visit California in the summer, that we can find fun things to do here, that she will make new friends and the weather will get better - secretly I feel her pain. Part of it is seeing her in so much grief and frustration. Part of it is I knowing all to well how she feels. And then there is the irritating helplessness that I can not just pack up and move back.

It isn’t the move itself or the location. There are many nice things about South Dakota and a change of life pace. The sky is in fact “larger” here. The sunrises and sets are beautiful. I actually like the cold and enjoy watching the snow fall. The financial relief and healthcare don’t hurt either. There are plenty of gluten free options. The people are talkative and friendly. I have never seen so many kids and babies. Also, it is very 1950s America. Most kids walk to school and home from it - including kindergarteners! (Which is great for natives, but I will stick with my “city” roots and walk my kids in and out of their school). All the backyards are shared. There seems to be a strong sense of community.

The problem is there is just nothing familiar. Everything we are surrounded by is a constant reminder that we aren’t in Kansas anymore. It is in the accents, the language nuisances, the food, the different stores, the traffic etc. Even the things that make it nice, just reiterate the differences.

Presently Beezus’s struggle is daily and any resolve I have crumbles the second the kids are in bed. So, right now Beezus and I are in search of the familiar. A security we can visit when things just get to be too much.

Our goals to fix this are simple and yet tough.

1. Break into a community.

How to do this is a little beyond me. None of the parents, or very few, walk their kids in and out of the school. Few parents here volunteer. Thus far meeting other parents has presented some difficulties. We will start with some play dates now that our boxes are finally unpacked.

There is also a large religious community, but not a large Jewish one. So, I am stuck trying to decide if we should look into attending an organized religion – as apposed to the loose based faith we practice at home.

2. Next we find a hobby or routine to “ground us”.

Ramona is truly blessed to have a passion for gymnastics. Luckily there are several nice facilities in town. This has made her adjustment awesome, because she has something extremely positive to look forward to all week. I could not be happier for her. It is magical to watch her. I love seeing the complete elation on her face while she balances on the beam or jumps on a trampoline. The pride I feel in her during that one hour is astonishingly powerful. True happiness is watching your kids doing something they enjoy.

What I would not give for Beezus to have something she can enjoy as much. Beezus has always had a love for dance and has in the past had dance lessons. She adores Angelina Ballerina books and has often proclaimed she will be a famous dancer some day. Sadly, her health has worked against her in all things physical. However, I have found a dance studio here that might work out for her. Hopefully her body doesn’t work against her. So we will be starting dance up next week. Cross your fingers!

3. Find some friends… of course this just takes time. However, I feel like I just need to meet ANYONE. I am a rather social person and I have been feeling really cooped up and soooo lonely. I began to start hanging off my man’s poor secretary the other day. I just kept talking on and on with her. My man sort of had to drag me away. Later that day I started contemplating going to a movie with her. My man had to point out it might not be the best person to hang out with since she works for him. I am still not sure that matters per say, but I will hold off a little longer before I ask. She is my age and does have kids that are my kids age.

For now Beezus and I are lucky enough to both be animal people. It would be an understatement to suggest that our pets are our security. I will fall back again on how (despite the hard time I give them) our furry friends have been an absolute blessing. The unconditional love and companionship of our pets have offered comfort and a sense of home. I have to just be thankful they are here safe and sound. Athena and Squirrel in particular have truly aided Beezus and I each day at our weakest of moments.

Anyway… not the most fun of posts, but an honest one. I hope to post next that we are more integrated, grounded and have made some friends.