Cinderella After Midnight

Well, having a day to fully digest the book Cinderella Ate My Daughter - I still stand by the points I made - however, as the enthusiasm and feminist giddiness come to a rest, it is important to keep in mind rejecting femininity and boycotting all female marketed toys is not the way to go either.  And there is no way to keep children entirely from extensive marketing strategies. I want my daughters to be proud to be female, be able to own a Disney doll and watch a princess movie while at the same time feeling like a strong independent individual.  I want her to be capable of making her own decisions and conclusions.  Books are great, theories are great and practicality is imperative.

A friend of mine out here in windy South Dakota is reading a book on sibling rivalry called… wait for it… Siblings without Rivalry. I actually love this book.  I was so eager to know how to navigate the sibling competition for parental attention that I read the book while being pregnant with my second daughter.  I have not re-read it since and I desperately need to reacquaint myself with the principles of the book.

My friend was talking to me about her boys and expressing some disgruntlement with implementing the principles practically.  It reminds me of every parenting book I have ever read.  So many parenting books are enlightened, researched and full of advice... yet how can we, as parents, remember ALL of it. How can we implement ALL of it. I cannot. And I see no reason to try. 

I know I have not followed the principles/concepts of Cinderella Ate My Daughter perfectly, despite believing in the need to raise a strong sense of self and identity in my daughters.  Restricting my daughters from owning Disney dolls is impractical and I already failed a long time ago.  In fact even after the numerous vacations we have taken to Disneyland, princess movies we have watched and dolls/dresses we have owned – I think I can safely say my kids survived without sacrificing their independent thought processes.  There have been many times the Disney princess have given us teachable moments and both my girls have moved onto Legos (not the pink girlie Legos, but Star Wars themed, Harry Potter themed, and City Legos).  Both girls are as likely to play in the dirt, catch bugs as dress up.  As they get older I see less and less princess or doll play entirely.  The other day the girls talked about getting rid of their dolls, feeling they had grown out of them.

Though we were not great about Disney - we set other standards for our house - no cable TV, no movies that are not prewatched by mom and dad first, no wedding dresses for play, dolls have to have a certain length in skirts and dolls with too much make-up are not allowed.  It has led to some meltdowns, but we have always been consistent.

For me (I know every parent is different), when I read a parenting book my goal is to remember one key concept that I deem the most important and go with it.  Just as importantly I brush off the failures.  I do not regret the Disney dolls/dress up, but I do wish there had been less of it.  Parenting is failure and adaptation. From Siblings without Rivalry I took the lesson, don't label your children. Instead of saying “You are so smart” I try to remember to say, “That ‘action’ was so smart”.  The idea is to relieve the child of the pressure to be smart, athletic or artistic while still supporting their efforts and interests.  The same thought process could be applied to illness: Beezus has Celiacs Disease, she is not a Celiac.  The disease does not define her, it is only an aspect.  Now, ask me something else I learned from Siblings without Rivalry.... I draw a blank.  But the lesson I took and have used with my kids, not so bad.  I consider it a parenting score!

For me the strategy is to not try to take every concept from every book – only taking one keeps me sane.

AND, whenever I can, I bring up new concepts to my family, on their level, at dinner.  Orenstien’s book led to a great conversation at our dinner table the other night.  One point that is made by Orenstien is that each princess is marketed as a single princess entity, to the point that even when printed on the same item there is never any eye contact between princesses. Disney felt keeping the princesses separate held the integrity of the stories as separate. This has created, especially in young girls, a schema in which only one girl can feel special at a time.  The princesses also all lack girlfriends - instead they have animals to rely on.  As a result young girls believe that only a singular girl can play the “main” princess character in any individual imaginary game, leading to problems in pretend play, among other further reaching social problems.  Orenstien gives an example of her daughter having a fight with her best friend in preschool when neither girl could agree on who got to be the princess in their ‘game’.  A fight I have witnessed among young girls a lot, both in play dates and in school.  Beezus, specifically, has always, always played the princess and forced her sister to play a boy or a prince. 

At dinner I told the girls about the marketing strategy to keep the princess separate and how it can lead young girls to be less likely to rely on female friends or create solid equal relationships.  I made a pointed comment  (including a mommy look at Beezus)- Why can’t there be two princesses???  My girls eye brows raised and both girls starting talking and telling stories from their own experiences immediately (although Beezus definitely deflected the implications I was making). 

I never anticipated my point beyond a typical boring lecture.  I rarely see my daughters as animated in sharing. However, our conversation continued on to other points from the book.  Beezus shouting excitedly over us about her experiences and insights. Her sister quieter, listening and interjecting occasionally.  We talked about how girls can play with toys like Legos and Video Games without being tom-boys.  They can simply be girls that like Legos.  I tried to drive home how Legos are marketed toward boys, but are not inherently boy toys.

At the end of the dinner, as Beezus got up from the table she said, “wow, I that was actually a fun talk at dinner tonight!”  Her voice indicated that my conversations often falls short of her high discussion standards.  Ha!

In general, it felt great to bond with my daughters and give them both a platform to discuss the role of being a girl.  I am not sure how much of what I said sunk in – but hopefully it gives them food for thought.

About Books, Videos and Raising Girls

Peggy Orenstein's Cinderella Ate My Daughter is a book I found through a friend on goodreads.com. Cinderella Ate My Daughter as a title made me smirk and drew me in immediately. I devoured the book in about a day and felt it lent weight to a much needed voice.

I highly recommend this book to parents with daughters! I do not recommend, but insist that grandparents, aunts and uncles read it critically.

It is not a secret that society is riddled with sexism and is complex for women and girls alike. The pressure on our daughters at young ages is disgusting and immense, the double standards on our adolescent girls dizzying and the objectification of all females dangerous to their mental and physical health. Being a girl in our lovely American consumer based economy means not merely being a consumer, but being both the consumer and the commodity. We are now the objects we purchase. The implications of this level of objectification are as endless as they are harmful.

The first chapter is "Why I Hoped for a Boy". I felt confident in my purchase upon reading the initial byline. I remembered finding out the sex of my first daughter, I was ecstatic and completely in love. However, the joy of having a daughter changed with time.

I love my daughter, I am still ecstatic to have her, I would not trade her for a boy, but the complexity of raising her has proved to be exhausting and even depressing - seeing the world that is waiting for her.  I was shocked how quickly that world descended on us too. Within the first couple years I saw friends, relatives and strangers react to her as they might to a dog, not a tiny human. The comments/compliments were always targeted at her appearance. The gifts always targeted at dressing the female role or the toys reinforced the same limited concept of girl as princess. Though she displayed discomfort with being hugged and patted she was grabbed, hugged and even pet like a dog - much to my mortification.  As both my girls have gotten older I have held out hope things would get better, instead they are complimented even more on their looks, their clothes, and still not treated with the same boundaries and respect as boys their age. What has gone wrong in our society that I might as well have given birth to a cat/dog or bunny rabbit than a communicative, intelligent human being with talents beyond pretend play and hugging?

Often the fault lies in the concept that my daughters exists for the world and not for themselves. A concept so engrained in culture it is simply understood, that girls are meant to look at and made out to be objects for others pleasure. Girls are to oogle and fondle. Perhaps that seems crass. But as a mother, I get sick of the puppy dog crap.

I need my daughters to rely on their talents, intelligence, hard work, goals and teach them how to navigate a world that will want from them in the same way they want from products they purchase – like TVs and computers.  My girls need to understand to have strict boundaries, which start with a strict sense of self and confidence to stand up to a world that will aim to violate the boundaries, sense of self and confidence with its own demands.   They need to know that despite what society tells them they are not here to please others, but to find autonomy and please themselves.  

This book really hits the nail on the head addressing major issues that young girls face and the problems in society with how they are viewed. Orenstein's book covers topics of the history of how advertising/marketing have begun to define the boundaries of gender specific play, toys and even roles that define female identity, as well as, covering the various effects of Disney's princess power house and preteen pop star products and the preteens eventual melt downs.

Quoting Orenstien directly, "As I immersed myself in the research for this book, I began to trace a line from the innocence of Cinderella to the struggles Miley Cyrus has faced in trying to 'age up,' which in turn was connected to how regular girls present themselves on Facebook (where identity itself becomes a performance, crafted in response to your audience of 322 BFFs). It seemed that even as new educational and professional opportunities unfurled before my daughter and her peers, so did the path that encouraged them to equate identity with image, self-expression with appearance, femininity with performance, pleasure with pleasing, and sexuality with sexualization."

This book is not just a good read, but it is an important one. Many of these concepts are not necessarily new to me. Instead the book lends itself to a much needed voice. A cry that maybe we are failing our daughters, sisters, wives and mothers. Women are not objects and raising a daughter to see themselves as one is dangerous. "We need to pay more, rather than less, attention to what’s happening in their world. According to the American Psychological Association, the emphasis on beauty and play-sexiness at ever-younger ages is increasing girls’ vulnerability to the pitfalls that most concern parents: eating disorders, negative body image, depression, risky sexual behavior. Yet here we are with nearly half of six-year-old girls regularly using lipstick or lip gloss. The percentage of eight- to twelve-year-old girls wearing eyeliner or mascara has doubled in the last TWO years (I ask you: shouldn’t the percentage of eight-year-olds wearing eyeliner be zero?). " (Orenstein).

 LINKS:

A link to the book: http://www.amazon.com/Cinderella-Ate-Daughter-Dispatches-Girlie-Girl/dp/0061711535/ref=sr_1_sc_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1334000340&sr=8-1-spell#_

Below I have included a link to lecture by an ex-model which criticizes the advertising industry for the objectification of women and girls. Literally, girls that are as young, if not younger, than my daughters. The idea that society can continue to use women/girls to sell products under an assumption that it is "just business" and fulfilling a "demand" is archaic at best and extremely damaging. I encourage strongly for people to question how, when America is supposed to be more equal than ever, is it our equality is mirrored by dramatic increase in objectification of women at younger and younger ages?

Part I: http://youtu.be/1ujySz-_NFQySz-_NFQ
Part II: http://youtu.be/E4-1xCf3I7U

Tip from parenting group: Interruption

Pregnancy has me falling behind.  Here is a quick parenting tip I was given recently at my moms group.  I really like it a lot and would love to share it.

For interrupting:
My oldest daughter has little "interruption sense".  She tends to just start talking out of turn or, for that matter, not stop talking.  This has more than flustered my youngest daughter and has created a situation where I do not always hear all of what my oldest has to say.  I try to catch enough to seem involved.  Dinner time can be dominated by her chatter too.  I feel really blessed to have a child with so much to tell me.  Other moms complain that their children tell them nothing of the day at school.  Often I wonder if I can tease out the important information in the long drawn out details of the rest the day.

The Strategy:  When talking with another adult if interruption clueless child wants to communicate with you:
1.  Have the child place their hand silently on your arm and wait patiently.  (Try not to giggle - I believe our children can do this!)
2.  After a second place your hand on their hand.  This shows that you recognizes them and tells them that you will get to them as soon as there is a break in conversation with the other adult.  (I love this, because the child will feel ignored and unimportant without the recognition.  The concept that a simple comforting touch reminds them that they are important and loved and that you want to hear them is beautiful in its simplicity).
3.  Then when you can, without making them wait to long (since, otherwise they will melt down and ruin the strategy) turn to your child and ask them politely what is up.

Gosh this sounds so simple!  And silly even to write.  Yet, when you have my children who believe that every thought they have is vital and time sensitive this is a great respectful way for the kids to start learning not to interrupt.

I want to implement this at our dinner table too, but instead of touching my arm, perhaps raising hands.  A little academic, yes, but I hope to get all my children to learn the importance of turn taking.  I will try to find other strategies for dinner time turn taking.

Gaming with the Xbox

Ramona and Beezus have found the wonderful world of video games!

Many parents might turn their noses up at video game play.  As far as I am concerned video games create problem solving skills, hand eye coordination (yeah, I said that), incentive to learn to read, and provides a great positive motivator for the girls to keep their room clean, do their homework and even learn anger management strategies.  The kinnect has even increased their physical exercise.  This is hard for me to believe on occasion, but I have heard my daughters complain about sore muscles the next day.  Shocking.  I do not suggest the kinnect for all forms of exercise.  I do send the girls off to gymnastics once to twice a week.  Of course living in the Midwest requires being house bound during the winter and as a result I have used the TV for yoga/Pilates and my indoor eliptical for exercise.

Recently I am very grateful for the positive motivation viedo games provides.  This is one of the few positive motivators that truly inspire my children daily, for even 30 minutes of play, to take care of their chores.  My girls know each day they can have video game time provided they have cleaned their room, have completed 20 minutes of reading, have completed at least two lessons on IXL (or other Internet learning sites) and keep their temper in check while playing.

Video games can be aggravating; however, nothing yet has motivated my kids to take a deep breath and calm themselves like a timeout from their video game time.  (I have another post on the way about helping children utilize mindfulness techniques to calm themselves and helpful tips from moms groups on settling arguments.)

Keep in mind I am referring to games rated E for everyone.  Nothing violent or inappropriate.  AND too much video game time is associated with negative affects.  The key to good affects are light usage, "good games" with stories and puzzles and are age appropriate.

I looked up benefits of video games for kids from other sources:

• A recent study from the Education Development Center and the U.S. Congress-supported Ready To Learn (RTL) Initiative found that a curriculum that involved digital media such as video games could improve early literacy skills when coupled with strong parental and teacher involvement. Interestingly, the study focused on young children, and 4- and 5-year-olds who participated showed increases in letter recognition, sounds association with letters, and understanding basic concepts about stories and print.  (Scott Steinberg, ABC News)

• As Dr. Ezriel Kornel explains on WebMD.com, playing certain video games (e.g. Brain Age or Guitar Hero) can also improve hand-eye coordination, enhance split-second decision making and even, potentially, boost auditory perception. Just playing isn't enough, though, says Dr. Kornel. The key is that you have to be improving each time you play, because in order to improve you have to be learning.  "Anytime the brain is in learning mode," Kornel says, "there are new synapses forming between the neurons. So you're creating thousands of connections that can then be applied to other tasks as well." 

Links to more articles:
http://www.raisesmartkid.com/3-to-6-years-old/4-articles/34-the-good-and-bad-effects-of-video-games

http://www.aboutourkids.org/articles/video_games_cons_pros

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/4682801.stm

http://www.usatoday.com/yourlife/fitness/2010-10-11-justdance11_CV_N.htm

Bullying: Steps with School

"We've got to dispel the myth that bullying is just a normal rite of passage, or an inevitable part of growing up. It's not," said President Obama. "We have an obligation to ensure that our schools are safe for all of our kids. Every single young person deserves the opportunity to learn and grow and achieve their potential, without having to worry about the constant threat of harassment." (ED.gov).

A friend of mine asked me recently about bullying: “With all the research you have done, what are the different roles people can play to help?”  She was referring to the parent, the school and the children involved.

I find this question both easy and hard to answer.  It is easy because a lot of the what-to-do’s are relatively standard and in the books I have read, on websites and presented in the media.  It is hard because once bullying has escalated the steps I will post are all part of damage control.  Stopping the bullying, holding the school accountable, getting the bullied child help.  Standard clean up.  Ideally, if I could answer this question the way I want I would say prevention with education.  Stop bullying before it starts.

Education is paramount in preventing bullying. Please always keep that in mind. To address any issue there needs to be a clear understanding of it.
For this post I will focus on what I know of addressing the school:

The School:  First thing is first.  Who is responsible for the bullying?  We all want to believe that the school is accountable for student’s safety.  The school should provide a safe environment for the children to learn.  The responsibility of the school tends to spark debate in gray areas of cyber bullying, bullycides and school shootings; however, one thing is clear, while student are on the school grounds the school is supposed to provide a safe environment.  Law suits come into play when the school/teachers/faculty are negligent in addressing safety concerns.  I.e. they are made aware of bullying through reports, but are not addressing the bullying or are neglecting to report and take action against incidents they witness.

• The first step:  Know your school’s policies that address bullying, harassment, assault etc.  I was able to find mine on the district website.  Ask for the disciplinary policies from the office.  

• The second step:  Report all bullying incidents to the principal.  I suggest doing this in writing (my man is a lawyer and this is what he suggests).  Utilize the language from policies when talking with administration, make it clear – ‘this’ incident violates ‘this’ policy.  Do not be abrasive in your language.  It is easy to be angry, exhausted and frustrated; however, be careful never to be confrontational.  Ideally the principal will want to work with you and you need to want to work with them too.  In all accounts of bullying include relevant details, be specific, of the bullying incident itself.  Do not clutter the account with irrelevant information.  Report every single incident you hear about.  Keep these reports and the responses.    

In the book The Bullying Action Guide: How to help your child and get your school to listen Edward F. Dragan states, “Not reporting bullying to the school puts the burden of dealing with it on the child.  That responsibility belongs with the school.”

 He illustrates a constructive way to write a follow up letter to a principal (one I wish I had utilized):


Dear Principal XXX,

I want to compliment you on your school’s strong anti-bullying policy.  I spoke with Mr. ABC recently about the policy and a problem with my daughter was having with two students.  According to Mr. ABC, these two students violated the school policy.  He indicated to me that he would speak with the students and their parents, and that if the bullying occurred again, they would be disciplined.  I appreciated all his attention to this problem, because my daughter was negatively affected by this bullying.

 That being said, however, I am afraid that the bullying is still continuing, even though I am sure Mr. ABC followed through. 

At this time, I am seeking your intervention to ensure that the district policy is followed.  I would appreciate it if you would check with Mr ABC to see what was actually done to stop the bullying, because it is still occurring.

If you would  please check in and give me a call 123-4567 when you have a chance, I would greatly appreciate it.


Sincerely,

Your Name

• Third step:  Ask for a meeting to discuss a course of action.  Again getting an action plan written out is imperative.  The school will address the issues at hand in X, Y and Z ways.

• Fourth step:  Is follow up.  Write a thank you stating what was said in the meeting and showing gratitude that the actions will be followed up on.

 
Ideally, the bullying is dealt with.  Problems arise when anywhere along these steps the school becomes uncommunicative and negligent.  This is when legal action is required and consulting with an attorney is more important than reading Internet blogs or books.  Bullying needs to be taken seriously by everyone.  Do not assume ever that the responsibility rests with the bullied child.  They never need to toughen up and often once the bullying has started it is completely outside of their individual control.

This is a very helpful link that addresses my friends question:
Bullying Frequently Asked Questions from the Department of Education

No matter what - first step is the school and getting the bullying under control!  Get a paper trail.  Keep good records.  Keep daily journals of incidents.  If you make phone calls take names, dates and times. Keep a journal of your child's health - they can get stomach aches and head aches and emotional well being. 

It is also extremely important to keep open lines of nonjudgmental communication with your child to know what is happening.  I will write a post on this.  But in the mean time the Bullying Frequently Asked Questions from the Department of Education addresses what parents can do.  Both books I advocate are The bully, the bullied and the bystander and The Bullying Action Guide address how to talk to your children.  Know that more damage can be done and communication lines with your child can break down if you are not careful in how you talk to them.  Do consult resources on how to talk with your child before trying to get details out of them.

Judgment Phft!

Oh no! Here it is a couple weeks into the New Year and I have not updated! I blame pregnancy. Consider this post an editorial.

I went out to dinner this week with a nice group of ladies. The group of ladies consists of three pregnant women (me included - pregnancy is definitely contagious and I got caught conforming to the local culture – conformity is more fun in California where the local culture dresses up and goes bar hopping – both events lead to vomiting).  The other four women in our group have had babies in the last couple years.

This particular evening breastfeeding got brought up. One of the woman expressed disgruntlement that she could not breastfeed.   I like this lady and respect her a lot.  She has traveled the world, got her master's in SoCal, spent time in DC and is very intelligent.  She dedicates herself fully to her children and really reached out to me when I moved here.

I have a hard time watching a wonderful mom feel pressure/guilt for having not done something, that clearly, after hearing her complications, she could not. Life sometimes makes decisions for us - we do not pick our children or the challenges that come along with them.

Well, I tried to point out that we all get challenges in parenting. I was able to breastfeed, but it ended up being a little pointless and I have had plenty of unforeseen parenting struggles. I breastfed both my kids (2 and 2.5 years respectively), I did not experience difficulties (outside getting tired of being a walking all-you-can-eat buffet). I breastfed my babies due to believing the hype that "the breast is the best" and in the bay area, not only is it the best, but there is a subculture of women that breastfeed for years and use the breast milk to heal cuts among other things.  I also made the decision to breastfeed due to my hope that my kiddos would get the immune benefits. I believed these immune benefits were somewhat magical based on this hype/culture and hoped dearly that these magical powers might prevent my kids from autoimmune disorders, like Type I diabetes which they are predisposed to. Ironically, my oldest daughter had Celiac Disease while I was breastfeeding (autoimmune disease).

Simply put, maybe breastfeeding itself is advertised/pushed a little heavy handed among us moms – the concept that it is an amazing healing life serum and belief that those who do not utilize it are selfishly sequestering it might be a bit overdramatic.  I am not saying it is not a great way to feed your kids; however, maybe what is best for the child and the mom is more subjective and individually based.

My man always rolls his eyes when relay my conversations with him. He says to me "you just needed to give her sympathy." I know that!  I just could not right then. It is pointless to suffer over uncontrollable circumstances. 

It occurs to me days later what she said that really got me going, "but don't you think I get judged?!"

I wanted to laugh and I am really glad I didn't, because this lady also scares me a bit. I wanted to say, "Oh come on now, what do you know about judgment? I had my first kid at 22, I got married six months pregnant in a bag of a dress, and I was swollen and felt ridiculous.  I started attending UC Berkeley after having my first born. I moved into a well off neighborhood to get the best education for my kids.  As a result I was kicked out of a class I had to compete to get into and I was repeatedly snubbed by older parents.  I was followed around in department stores on the assumption I was there to shop lift.  People consistently assume I did not do it right - my own friends my age, women with children my kid’s age and society at large." 

After a while you just have to laugh.  I thought the hard part of having kids young would be me being young, that I would be too immature or not wealthy enough – instead it was how everyone reacted to my being young.  I learned to be a lot stronger.  I learned you do not need a ton of money to raise great kids.  I learned that age does not play as large a factor as people assume.  If you want to be a great parent – you will go out of your way to make sure, despite all obstacles, that you are.  I also learned there are amazing older parents, but you have to look for them and deal with a lot of rejection to find them.  They are worth it though!

That has been my source of out right judgement, but I know parents that have kids with special needs, and my own special kids struggle too, (it turns out all kids do as they get older) and we all get judged as a result.

The point - I know a lot about judgment. And what I have learned is so simple. Someone, somewhere is going to judge you. There is always someone who righteously thinks they have done it better or followed the 'right path'.  They will find horrible ways to justify their beliefs too.  BUT this does not matter unless you think they are right and you are wrong.  I know I did it right for my family.

So if you are a parent, say this with me, "I did it right!  Look at my awesome children (please ignore the food on their face, oh gosh, and in their hair, disregard the paint on my walls, the spinning child, any fighting over lunch you might have overheard, the crumbs in the car and that odor that I cannot pin point...) I effing did it right!"  Then, if you are lucky enough to not be pregnant, go have a drink and laugh more about life.  It is so short and yet so eventful.  And those who judge you - let them drag baggage to their grave - it is not your problem.

If nothing else, once these kids start elementary school no one knows or cares who breastfeed and who did not.  No one asks anyone about nap time schedules.  I have yet to have a teacher at a parent teacher conference say to me, “you know your daughter is struggling in some of these skills… did you breastfeed?”   Nope.  It is more along these lines, “you know, you were late three times this semester…” then a look that says – you are the worst mom in the world.  Totally new form of judgment – apparently my kid cannot do math because we ran late three times. 

Ha!  Great thing is I prepared for this.  Maybe my kid cannot learn math ‘cause you are not teaching it.  Just say’n.  Step up your game teacher! 

Why goals are important: Happiness!

This year we rode an elephant!

Welcome 2012! The Internet is awash with New Year’s resolution articles, blog posts, facebook status updates and videos. MSN.com has already published articles on better jobs and weight loss, as well as, the obligatory articles recapping the best and worst celebrities, weather, sports and news in 2011. Gazing towards the blank slate of a new year everyone seems to take inventory of their best and worst moments of past year and make new, revised goals for the year ahead.

Retrospect: 
As I started to look back over my last year I decided to focus on the positive. It is too easy to see the failures or struggles of a past year and I have learned in happiness practices to remember the good and to remember it vividly. A couple friends of mine requested this in their status updates on facebook. What a truly inspirational concept.

The Maffeoberries Highlights:
This year I took to researching positive psychology, I began meditation and yoga.  I promised myself a certain amount of writing practice, which, between the blog and school I have accomplished (though I am no closer to a book). My family and I traveled - we decided to explore the Midwest. We had an amazing summer in the Black Hills and Badlands of South Dakota.  We visited Wall Drug a destination in the Midwest worth dropping in on. We spent multiple weekends in Omaha Nebraska checking out the zoo and the city. We went to Minneapolis Minnesota for a spectacular renaissance faire, the Mall of America, which has an indooramusement park, and for my girls an American Girl doll shop.  We discovered the joy of hotel suites, hotel pools and vacationing as a family.  The unexpected highlights of our large scale move has been meeting new people, lightning in the clouds/thunder storms, playing with lightning bugs (the girls love that!)  And we learned that buying Sam’s Club packages of sparklers; although legal, is not a great idea.  Around home we got to know a very active community with Rib festivals, Jazz festivals, waterparks, concerts, Falls Park and winter parades with Santa Claus.  The kids had summer school with a favorite teacher, museum camps, pet shelter camp, puppet shows, library time, tons of swimming and some California time with great family and friends.  We stayed in a San Diego hotel on the water and I personally will never forget how great that was, being so close to the ocean and sun.  In fact, when I list off the amazing things we did this year, knowing that I am leaving out great accomplishments (like, oh I don’t know) I got a job! I found that 2011 is a ton of amazing memories I love looking back on.

Moving forward: 
However, we cannot live, even in the great memories, of the past.  We have to keep moving forward.  (For those who meditate – we have to live in the present).  In the New Year we all sit down to make our goals, as we think of our future.  According to Sonja Lyubomirsky, one of my favorite positive psychology authors, goals are one great step towards happiness. "People who strive for something personally significant, whether it's learning a new craft, changing careers, or raising moral children, are far happier than those who don't have strong dreams or aspirations. Find a happy person, and you will find a project" ( 205, The How of Happiness).

 Lyubomirsky states that working towards a goal is as important as attaining a goal. The type of goal can be on a large scale, such as career goals (climbing the corporate ladder, switching careers, graduate school), family goals (like having a baby, moving to a new city) or it can be as small a scale as taking a class, starting a new hobby. The goal can be political, social, familial or spiritual as long as it provides a challenge and is meaningful to the individual it will increase happiness.

 “Working towards a meaningful life goal is one of the most important strategies for becoming lastingly happier” (206, The How of Happiness).

 In light of this wonderful information I hope everyone makes themselves some challenging and healthy goals for 2012 and increases their personal happiness! 

For the blog in the new year:
I plan to continue to blog on bullying (it is a large topic and I will take it in pieces, over time), I will continue with blog posts on happiness/positive psychology (for those who, like me, want mind/body wellness), I will continue to write out family stories and I will continue to build my online gluten free recipe book (I use this when I am traveling and it might be helpful for some gluten free families).

Have a Happy New Year!