Secrets?

My kids often quote me.  Usually this works against me; however, every now and then my daughters quote me in a way that I can feel good about.  Today Beezus proclaimed in confidence “my mom says that a healthy relationship is one that everyone knows about.  It is not supposed to be a secret".  She was talking to our next door neighbor’s son.

Quick recap of yesterday:

Beezus came in from playing with the neighbors yesterday with a ‘secret’.  She declared the existence of this secret with a glow.  She informed her father and me that this ‘secret’ was something she could not tell us and went on to emphasize that she could NOT EVEN tell her teacher at school.  She had been sworn to secrecy by our next door neighbor’s son, Henry*.

Unfortunately for Beezus her build up was too tempting, before my man and I could even start to come up with an interrogation strategy, her little sister came to our rescue,  “Henry asked Beezus to be his girlfriend.”  Ramona looked very proud to have the information which was, in the moment, critical.   Beezus might not have been as... happy.

My man and I had very different reactions.  I was ready to lay down the ground work for rules to dating and he was more interested in forbidding dating.  Naturally Beezus was immediately furious with us.  She yelled that there was no way we could stop her and began a walk, I assume we will witness a lot in her life, dramatically towards her room.

Eventually Beezus and her dad calmed down enough that I could talk some sense into both of them.  I told her dad not to talk, that seems easiest, since ‘sense’ is sometimes lost on him.  Then I told Beezus it was wonderful that Henry wants to be her boyfriend.  Her glow returned and she radiated pure happiness. She said to me with a blush and a grin “he told me I am cute mom.”  I felt great to be let in on such an important and happy memory of hers.  In response I said something to this effect…

 “That is one of the best feelings in the whole world.  I hope you hear that a lot in your life.  But, you should never be kept a secret.  If this little boy really likes you then he will not keep you a secret.  And when you are older if any man wants to keep you a secret you should turn and walk away.  Date someone else.  Whoever wants to be your boyfriend should be proud of you.  A healthy relationship is one that everyone knows about.”  To make sure she understood I drove the point home harder, “imagine if your dad told people he did not have a wife.  Wouldn’t that be weird?  A boy who is honest and really cares about you the right way will never want to keep you from the rest of his life.”

I did not think Beezus heard me.  I find I can never tell when she is paying any attention to what I am saying.  So, when I heard her telling this little boy this afternoon in our entryway that I knew about their 'status' and that a healthy relationship was not a secret, I felt a lot of mommy pride. I managed to, with some luck, teach her a rule to dating that so many women need to learn and so many do not!   Respect yourself and a good man will too!

Sadly,  I did not stop at the great lesson last night.  I decided I may as well get it all out there, “also, no kissing, (my man interjected with ‘no touching’).  And now that I know you are dating, you are no longer allowed to be alone with him without supervision AND if I ever catch you sneaking out any windows at night I will taser your behind.”  (The sneaking out I figure will happen in her teens, but I may as well warn her now.)

 My kids eyes got wide and my youngest daughter gave me a lecture on how that joke was not ok.  I felt horrible.  I forget that my sense of humor does not exist (according to my man).  I apologized to my little ladies and then realize they would most likely quote me tomorrow at school.  ;-)

*Henry is obviously a made up name for the boy.  I decided to continue with the use of names from the Ramona and Beezus collection.  Still well suited for our household.