Cognitive Dissonance and Bullying

When people think about the bullied child people assume that there is something 'wrong' with the child that is being bullied.  No one wants to admit to that.  It sounds backwards; it makes ‘us’ sound ‘bad’ and ‘we’ know that ‘we’ are not ‘bad’; therefore, logically, the bullied child must be ‘bad’ instead. 

 People want to, and need to, believe that the bullied child must be, at least in some small way, deserving of the peer abuse, because otherwise they are left with a social incongruity.  Who is ‘bad’?

The concept that a person, no more different or more deserving of ridicule than an average person, ‘us’ is suffering at the hands of the bully peer abuse and psychological trauma and the bystander, ‘we’, are doing nothing – makes no sense.  ‘We’ are better than that.  'We' have postive self image and positive social schema.

People need the belief that there is a difference of character within the victim which causes the abuse, because they are experiencing the unpleasantness of cognitive dissonance.

Cognitive dissonance "by far the most influential consistency theory, and possibly the most influential theory in the entire field of social psychology... (argues) that people are troubled by inconsistency between their thoughts, sentiments, and actions, and they will expend psychological energy to restore consistency. More specifically, (Leon) Festinger thought that an aversive emotional state- dissonance - is aroused whenever people experience an inconsistency between two cognitions. Because the cognition can be about their own behavior (for example, 'I just failed to live up to my vow'), the theory posits that people are troubled by inconsistency between their cognitions and their behavior as well. This unpleasant emotional state motivates behavior to restore consistency." (p310, Social Psychology).

In the social interaction of bullying:

• People see the event taking place, they become the bystander 
• They might feel an urge to stick up for the bullied child
• However, they fear retaliation
• The bully might be popular, well liked, and the bystander might be gaining status or risking status by helping the bullied child
• Aiding the bullied child takes effort
• There are many bystanders and a diffusion of responsibility, plus the side effect of social support for the bully through inaction
• The bystander has a few choices: watch, walk away or partake
• To deal with the incongruous action and keep it in line it with their self image and social schema the bystander...
• assigns the bullied child, the victim, a new role - someone deserving of the abuse, different.

What constitutes a difference?

Think back on the child you knew who was bullied growing up.  What made them different?  What made the bullying okay?

Examples:  That kid wears funny clothes, that kid breaks out, that kid has a prominent nose, that kid has a different gait, that kid has an unpopular hair style, that kid has less money,  or wears the same outfits, or is quiet, or is awkward, or is loud, or is heavier in weight, or has a different religion, or race, or sexual orientation, or mental disorder, or learning disability, or their parents are the same sex, or their parents are mixed race, or their dad is unemployed, or their mom is an alcoholic – what did it take for them to become the brunt of the school you went to?  Is that enough to abuse them?  Do you still think it is okay? 

Because, this seems 'wrong' and very lord of the flies.

I want to clarify right here and now the bullied child is not bullied because of any difference.  I will show that there is not a difference. The concept of the difference is an excuse to justify bullying.    It is what the bully latches on to, and the bully is actively looking for anything to latch on to.  Because no two people are the same the difference which is utilized by the bully could have easily been one that a bystander possessed.  There is only one reason that the bullied child is bullied and it is not a single difference listed above.  I will explain that one reason in my next post.

What actually makes bullying okay?

This is the question that society needs to address.  This might help our joint cognitive dissonance and our joint lack of social responsibility.  If you are unsure what is going on, who is ‘bad’.  Just ask yourself:  When is it okay to bully?    


Next Bullying Post - in my next post I will take the concept that the bullied child is different and prove that they not a difference.  The concept of the difference is an excuse to justify bullying.  There is only one reason that the bullied child is bullied and it is not a single difference listed above.  Those differences are just excuses.

Love Conquers All

Here is my daughter.  She is six and being harrassed at her school.  A little boy threatens to hurt her, tells her she is stupid, makes fun of her work in school.  There is NO EXCUSE.  There is no difference that justifies his action.  She works as hard on her homework.  She laughs when she is happy and cries when she is sad.  She does gymnastics and loves to sing along with the radio.  She is very artistic.  We read with her. I sang her to sleep when she was baby, sometimes I still do.  She loves cooking cupcakes with me.  She loves her pets.  She has Uncles and Aunts and Grandmas and Grandpas and friends.  She is loved.  And that love will see her through.