Oh the joyous, bacchanalian of the internet! Oh, the endless supply of human ingenuity! The carousal of home sapien sapiens imagination on display in bright illumination daily! All hail social networking, blogs, status bars, sharing opinions on our walls/articles in cute comments, email accounts, articles, news reports, tabloids, online shopping, and sometimes even making attempts at exercising our neocortex with educational articles and research.
If you wake up desperate for people, if you need to express yourself, if you are bored, never fear the internet is here! If necessary wearing spandex in a cape – just bing it. Feel the exhilaration of those tiny little keys under your finger tips and look up your latest symptoms for your undiagnosed malady, turn on music, write a friend, tell someone off (this can be most gratifying, but highly not recommended, but also gratifying, but really bad for happiness!), admit you are wrong, prove you are right, forgive, forget, get smarter, stay dumber, find support for your beliefs, derail another’s sacred credence or just watch hulu/netflix - whatever… the possibilities are endless!
But please be careful! There are dangers out online. My poor email account would be a good example of this. I thought I had treated that account delicately, nurturing its growth with contacts and emails, protecting it from strangers, blocking it from those who would mean it harm, filtering the content that was just too sordid. Afterall my email account has been my trusty companion and served me well as I shopped, never judging me as I applied to jobs, saving my treasured drafts of my most intimate thoughts and secrets, while helping me handle my bills and ordering my average level college transcripts, supporting my networking attempts and, when I need it most, connecting me to family.
I knew there were some dangers to my email account. I had been warned. Still I risked shopping online. I justified it, guiltily. I always figure they were legitimate sites, safe for both me and my beloved email account. They were such fun – oh the fun! I only visited the most wonderfully professional, hoity-toity, clean cut sites, like Crate and Barrel, GAP and Pottery Barn. Upstanding, upper middle class sites that would never sell my information (and always have sales!); therefore, never putting my innocent, subservient email account at risk! Yet, sadly… my poor email account has been infected. Infected!
That is right, infected. I hang my head in despair, in humiliation, ashamed and… dirty. Though I was careful about where I went online – keeping out of those shady corners and depraved places that only the most brandish, or testosterone saturated, of us travel. I always stayed on the straight and narrow – prudishly even.
As I watch as my email account breathes it last sighs, sending out painful spasms of spam, I know, seeing it convulse, that I have done it wrong. I am left to contemplate the message of educational preformance about HIV that toured my high school in California…
Be careful who you email with – you do not know who they have been emailing with.
Wait… that wasn’t it. Well, whatever… you catch my meaning and, hopefully, not my email accounts virtual virus.
Ashes to ashes my friends it is time to terminate my hotmail account, before it taints us further.
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