To be happy you must savor! Part One & Part Two

A favorite photo of the Settlers King and a great memory!

I am so excited to post about one of my favorite happiness findings. This will be a multi part post, because there is too much good information... and I got excited.

Learning to savor moments more fully leads to happiness! This seems too obvious. However when I stop to think about my day I know that, at least before all this happiness reading, I was likely to spend most of everyday going through the motions. Running my errands, thinking about what I had to get done the next day, focusing on problems and frustrated by lack of solutions. I hardly spent any time thinking about the wonderful people in my life, my favorite memories or future fun. Honestly, if I started to think about pleasant thoughts I would brush those happy thoughts aside. It felt down right greedy to indulge when I have so much more to worry about!

BUT every mind wellness book I have read addresses the concept of savoring happiness. Savoring happiness – is what it sounds like - appreciating and fully committing ourselves to a positive experience. In “The How of Happiness” Sonja Lyubomirsky says savoring is split into “past, present and future component(s)” and she states that “researchers define savoring as any thoughts or behaviors capable of ‘generating, intensifying, and prolonging enjoyment’”. Lyubomirsky says that to truly savor an experience you must step outside the experience and assess it. Since she is the expert I figure she must know what she is talking about.

All social psychologists and ordinary people (like me!) pursuing that valuable 40 percent of flexible happiness are in agreement that relishing our happy experiences is fundamental to increasing happiness and, as importantly, maintaining it.

To use Lyumbomirsky past, present and future components - savoring goes something like this:

1. The Past: Is remembering in detail the sites, tastes, sounds and emotions of the good times you have had.

Activity to enhance savoring the past: Lyumbomirsky suggests an activity used in social psychology research in which participants of the study used “positive reminiscence... (to) travel to a mental destination through recall of positive images and memories”. The study had participants list their favorite memories and reminisce about them twice each day for one week. The happiness increased for all participants and more for those who vividly remembered.

I have actually been using this – but in correspondence to rumination – when I find myself focusing on a negative experiences and replaying them. I stop the rumination and immediately think about my positive memory in great detail. Right now that memory is holding Ramona for the first time. In the past if trying to stop rumination cold did not work, worries are powerful, but having a robust positive memory has been magical!

A friend of mine had a facebook status addressing dealing with “difficult people” in the morning. She had been put in a real bad mood as a result of dealing with these “difficult people”. I felt bad for her, because she still had a full day of work ahead of her. I thought to myself she needs a positive memory she can combat those bad vibes with! To me this is a perfect time to exercise taking control of our mind and not let it take control of us. I know, way easier said than done. This is especially true when dealing with other people we can not control. However, it is easy to think happy thoughts when we are happy, it hard when we aren't, but ultimately much more rewarding.

2. The Present: Is being able to be fully aware of the moment at hand. Mindfullness and Gratitude are practices that are especially helpful in learning to commit ourselves fully to the present moment and cherish it. I write about this a lot – so I will let it go for now. But I have a future post on some neat brain research in association with mindfulness.

3. The Future: Gretchen Rubin in “the Happiness Project” refers to this as Anticipation. Anticipation is an awesome ability to get excited about future positive events. This particular form of savoring I have been focusing on recently and I feel is very important. So below is a “piggy back post”.


To be happy you must savor!
Part Two:
Anticipation!

Kids are brilliant anticipators! My children begin to plan birthday celebrations for the pending year before they even complete their birthday parties in the current year. They spend every month changing the themes, activities, invites and locations – it is going to be a Pirate Birthday, it is going to have a piñata, I am going to invite Mary and Sue, never mind let’s make it a Gargoyles party, nope changed my mind again lets have it at the zoo… all the while totally excited.

I have always had the hardest time with anticipation and savoring the future. I know that both my husband and I are likely to hold back our excitement when we think something good is about to happen. It seems as adults we are always concerned about that let down – not building expectations to high. My man and I just did not realize that part of being happy is just enjoying the dream a bit and feeding into the build up. Being fearful of a let down is the opposite of happy! It is anxiety provoking to avoid optimistic thinking and plays into those pesky negative thought patterns.

Kids never worry about their actions back firing. This could be interpreted as a lack in foresight, but that would not be fun! Case in point, climbing up trees they can not climb down! Some of us adults might think this is reckless. But hold on there! They had a lot of fun getting to the top of that very tall tree. It is true that my kids can never have a birthday that lives up to their frenzied fantasies, nor do they need to. The excitement they get from imagining how great those birthdays are provides them with happiness the entire year - which far exceeds the happiness of the single day.

For me savoring the future has been liberating. Recalling the past has never been an issue (in part because I photograph and then photobook and then write about it!); however, the future often has. It is now time to revert to a child like state and just be gleeful over future events!

My Savoring Example: I spend a lot of time imagining how amazing going home will be. I encourage talk at the dinner table from everyone – tell me what you want to do, who you want to see, lets plan where we will go.

I am divulging to the point of making lists. Lists that go something like this...

Dancing, high heels, make-up, tide pooling, cheesecake eating, movies, hair cuts (high lights, low lights, layers, salon), BBQs, the San Diego zoo, Disneyland, fireworks, sunsets, friends, family, hills (hills, hills, hills, hills), trees (BIG trees – oak trees!), drinks, the ocean (the waves), hermit crabs, the waves, Noah’s Bagels, The Jewish Community Center, maybe a hike and Costco. I do this in sing song voice. I am anticipating clubbing, going out to the city (to the a city on the bay!), by trying to stay up to date on the various club music. I listen to this while I work out and I think about dancing and my knee high boots that have had to sit in a tuber ware container under my bed. Poor boots, poor, poor boots.

And I do not even bother with contemplating whether or not California can live up to my expectations, because it is unimportant. I know that it makes me immensely happy to think about the view of the bay from highway 13, the view of SF from old tunnel road, the sun hitting the water off Golden Gate Fields, Sather Gate, Telegraph Avenue (the dude that gives away jokes for free and hemp necklaces I can’t wear cause I am too old), Tilden park’s Lake Anza, the band stand in the commons and Broadway Plaza. OH gosh! I almost forgot… MEDITERIAN FOOD, THAI FOOD, THAI FOOD, THAI FOOD, Chinese food, Mexican food – sushi! I guess I am savoring right now! Which – let me tell you – feels great!

Next will be…

Part Three: Savoring!
Why Savoring is important. For those unbelievers out there.

I won’t torture you all with it tonight. So excited! Love savoring.