The Zoo: Spending Time One-on-One

I follow my friend’s blog the simple life. I have her blog on my side bar. I am constantly in awe of her ability to take and apply parenting strategies to her family and do it so well! She is articulate, organized and structured. I wish I could be half as organized. I can make lists to stay on task and this works well most the time. Sadly, I am the person who leaves their cell phone in the fridge and can not find it for a couple days in a row. This of course leads to my mom assuming I am dead and e-mailing 20 times in a singular day panicked. While I am admitting my flightiness it might be a good time to confess that I drift off in the middle of most conversations. I have a friend that laughed when I confessed this. She said, “I noticed!” I did not realize it was so obvious. Sigh.

A month ago my structured lady-friend posted on sibling rivalry, at my request! I appreciate this immensely. One of her suggestions to alleviate sibling rivalry is increasing one-on-one time with children in the family. This appears SO simple! Well, for some of us. Others of us think about it, how great it is, and then get distracted by something else…

I am not consistent about one-on-one time. In the past my one-on-one time has been limited to very simple tactics. I switch off which child I lie down next to at night to help them sleep (this doubles to stop the goofing off thus getting them to sleep faster). Another simply tactic is if one daughter has a play date at our house I focus on the other daughter. Usually this means playing a game or, more often than not, cooking/baking. Play dates at our house often lead to cookies, cupcakes and muffins.

In fact, most my original gluten free baking happened while Beezus and her best friend played with dolls in our sunroom. Ramona and I would be hard at work in the kitchen making sweets. I do think this has been a great trick at keeping peace during play dates, combining cooking with kids, and just plain creating fun memories.

Today my lucky Ramona went to a birthday party where she got to see a play of “Beauty and the Beast” done by a local private high school. One of the girls in the play was a babysitter we have started using. (In fact one awesome change in our lives since being here – we have at least three reliable babysitters!)

Conveniently this gave Beezus and me four hours of undisturbed time – which I originally planned on using towards errands. As we were getting ready to leave this morning Beezus stomps her foot and says, “I do not want to go grocery shopping while RAMON gets to go to a birthday party.” This statement was accompanied by folded arms and a tilted head, not to mention a haughty tone.

It was in this moment that I remember the local zoo was having a Cinco de Mayo celebration, complete with music, arts, crafts and a piñata. Therefore… right after dropping off Ramona at her birthday party we skipped our chores. We grabbed some GF treats at the local super market and went to the zoo! Beezus’s father, who had been away on business for most the week, got into the airport earlier than expected took a taxi directly to the zoo and spent most the day with us.

While I was out I started to think, get distracted, by all the chores I needed to do with what I call, "the running list". Geeze, later in the week I need to, later in the month I need to, still have not picked a book for book club, what will I make for dinner... In the meantime I was missing that Beezus was telling me all about her new video game. Then I remember the mindfulness practice I have been doing – which insists we stay present in the moment and appreciate it. I started asking Beezus questions about the game, instead of thinking about chores. I kept interested, involved and we had a good discussion.

Today my oldest daughter – a girl who is very anxious - smiled, laughed and talked freely. I very rarely see her just plain relax and today she did. I could tell how truly special she felt. When kids are babies they give that special smile to their parents effortlessly and it just so pure. As they get older, I am finding, it is harder to get that smile. Today was full of them. It felt great and Beezus felt special and important!

When my girls reconnected at the end of their different adventures there was no fighting they simply sat down and recanted their days. It was sweet to watch.

Today I am grateful for the simple life's author. I am grateful for the great weather. It was 60 and it was hot! It felt like 80 outside. I am grateful for the mariachi band, the GF ice cream chocolate bar treats, my man meeting us at the zoo (so we did not have to cut the day short to get him), the merry-go-round and chocolate strawberries!

Mindfulness and Meditation

No one is as peaceful as this cat. She is an inspiration to us all! ;-)

I am taking steps to freeing my mind from negativity and stress. This month, in addition to continuing my own research on happiness and continuing to implement practicing happiness in activities, I am now diving into the world of Mindfulness, meditation and Buddha!

Mindfulness is essentially practicing an awareness, specifically a visceral awareness of the present. The Mindfulness meditation is focusing on the act of breathing and/or pausing to objectively recognize meandering thoughts and refocusing the self on the present moment without judgment.

According to many experts in the psychology field “Mindfulness” practices leads to a reduction in stress, neurologically speaking, which also of course equates to behavior and thought processes. In Raising Happiness Christine Carter cites studies which indicate that people who practice mindfulness exhibit “more intense and frequent pleasant and positive emotions, heightened sense of self knowledge, which is a key component to self control, greater empathy and attunement with others” as well as being “more self-confident, outgoing… (and) less stressed out, anxious and depressed” not to mention “ cultivating an emotional balance” (p. 133). Carter equates meditation to be a part of the “holy grail” to happiness. It is not an exaggeration to say that many psychologists are agreeing with her as study after study pumps out support for this holistic practice.

To aid in my amateur attempts at meditation I have started reading the book the mindfulness solution: Everyday Practices for Everyday Problems by Ronald D. Siegel, PsyD. This book delves into the Mindfulness practice in the Buddhist tradition. Siegel points out that Mindfulness is beginning to become a regular part of well respected psychoanalytic/therapeutic practices. It has started being utilized in therapies. It is been credited with helping alleviate mood disorders, eating disorders, anxieties, phobias, OCD symptoms, mourning losses etc. Obviously alleviate is NOT cure; however, Mindfulness practices are very helpful.

To paraphrase my comprehension so far the main principles are:

1. Everything is temporary. Mindfulness revolves around the concept that there is a need to accept that nothing lasts and that our resistance is futile. No just kidding, that is Star Trek. Our existence is temporary and we should not resist this notion. Embracing our moratality is fundamental.

2. Clouding our minds with worries about the future and the past are detrimental to our happiness. Often depression, anxiety and other mood disorders have reoccurring negative thought patterns. People who suffer with depression are more likely to remember negative events than positive ones, remember criticism more than compliments, more negatively judge themselves and precieve interactions with others more negatively etc. Mindfullness is great and aids in alleviating some of this disordered thinking because it practices resetting the mind to the present, not letting the mind slip to past negative memories or future negative concerns, and as part of the practice there is no judgment placed on “slip ups”. In essence Mindfulness could be considered a little cognitive behavioral therapy.

3. Mindfulness focuses on the present moment and in meditation on self awareness and breathing.

As I learn more about Mindfulness and see its effects in my own house I will continue to post.

My first attempt on record:
The first night I tried mindfulness meditation I brought my lap top to bed. I played a free meditation (learning/teaching) podcast. I felt a little silly and still do; however, I am very seriously looking for peace and this has a promise to help.

My man spent the whole time being the way grown men can be, when they forget they are (in fact) grown up, he kept burping (among other bodily noises) and giggling. I think I had to start the pod cast over at least ten times and it was very hard not to laugh and stay focused. But as research suggests, laughter brings happiness in and of itself, enjoying the frustration and even immaturity was a nice way to keep in mind happiness can NOT be too serious an endeavor (by nature). I felt, at the end of the twenty minutes (more like an hour after all interruptions), if I can meditate through that I should be able to meditate through anything.

Adding to the list of Gratitude: Soap and Toilet Paper

Last night we all linked hands as we began to go around the table and state what we are grateful for. Halfway around our family circle of four my man asks, "have you girls washed your hands?"

Beezus and Ramona glanced at each other and smiling, guiltily, said in unison, "no". My man gave me a look, which I knew meant I was going to regret some little tidbit of information he was about it enlighten me with.

The sun is out sometimes here now. This is very nice. It is not necessarily "warm" by our California standards, though I find it uncomfortably warm when I try to sleep at night. My understanding is our blood thickens in colder climates and colder weather seems warmer. So, 60 degrees is some how warm enough to sweat by.

In any case last night my man decided to BBQ. He has in fact done this a few times in the last couple weeks. We have even started BBQing honey and cinnamon glazed pineapple. Super yummy! These reoccurrences in BBQs have led to my youngest Ramona missing family friends from NorCal. I had to stop cleaning the kitchen/getting ready for dinner and give her a hug while she "let it all out". It was hard to see her so upset. She did manage to recover and...

Ramona and Beezus played in the backyard while my man BBQed. It was a good to hear their voices and laughter outside throwing a ball around for the dog. Of course this leads to me explaining that our yards are very communal out here. All the neighborhood homes dump into one large yard. Our families section is fenced off, mostly for our dog. So as not to impose on the greater good – our section of fenced off space is rather small, which leads to playing fetch being a little messy. If you have dogs you might know where I am going with this. Basically you can not be sure that muddy ball (we have had a lot of rain too) might not have had just mud on it. And the kids had not washed their hands since being inside…

We took a gratitude break to wash all our hands very heavily with soap! Meaning... mommy is grateful for soap. Yeah! This gratitude reminded me of our first night going around the table and saying what we were grateful for. I thought I would share the list for fun:

Me:
1. Chocolate Strawberries
2. Having no in-house construction.
3. Book Club Ladies
4. Blogging/Writing/Creative Outlet
5. Summer

Beezus:
1. Cookies tomorrow (When we made sugar cookies together).
2. Playdate with a new friend.
3. Popcorn
4. Easter Egg Hunt (This was still a ways off at the time).
5. Disneyland

Ramona:
1. Cookies tomorrow (Again, the sugar cookie experiement a couple weekends ago).
2. Classroom friends at school
3. Toys
4. Easter Egg Hunt
5. Strawberries

My man:
1. Live in a stable environment (he was being wordly and referring to our gov.)
2. Soap (which I now emphasize with even more!)
3. Deodorant
4. Dinner
5. Toilet Paper

The girls got a kick out of his list. Maybe why the first night had so many giggles!

Parenting Blunders, Sigh

A picture of me reading a book on raising kids the Easter bunny left me/I could not help but buying. Oh the things parenting books do not bother to go over, because the author assumes some things are obvious! Phuff, silly book.

At one point, in all my mommy brilliance, I decided it would be cute to claim that a fairy sprinkled dust on a snack of fruit I was putting out for my toddlers. In reality I had sprinkled some cane sugar on strawberries for the kids. Toddlers are so young and cute and willing to believe that a fairy really did fly in. For me, apparently, this is too tempting and… fun, right? I had this wonderful image of Tinker Bell coming in and leaving some magic on a tasty treat for the kids.

This became a sensation, and at first I felt a true sense of parenting accomplishment. That special type of accomplishment we mommies get when we felt we have inspired a new family tradition. A tradition these lucky kids will grow up to pass down to their own kids or at least talk loving of to their friends as they get older. Gee, I remember how my mom would pretend that fairies would dust our food with sugar when we were young. Sigh.

Well, years later and my kids ask for “fairy dust” on their fruit. Asking for the sugar is not a problem. I will not always put sugar on their food and they are good about accepting a no. However, as some adults might have gathered already (and those who do not should feel good this has not occurred to them) fairy dust can also be a reference to powdered drugs. And gosh only knows fairy dust sounds a lot like Angel Dust. Cringe. When I first instilled this new tradition I had not started my psychology courses, much less my social welfare course work. I did not think in terms of the abnormal or social deviance... yet.

So now when my kids ask or tell other adults that “mom puts fairy dust on our food!” Instead of gaining a sense of mommy pride, I feel a sense of mommy mortification. I worry that my kids will go to school and bring this up to teachers and I will have social services knocking on my door and I will have to insist, “they MEAN sugar! I swear!”

Of course, I have an overly active imagination and maybe other parents do not raise their eyebrows when my kids giggle over fairy dust. Perhaps this really is an "okay" tradition that will in fact lead to lots of good memories or at least when they are older a lot of good laughs. I can always look forward to that for sure.

In any case the moral of this story is, when you have kids or if you have kids PLEASE think through the cute little traditions you come up with! I wish I had thought that one through a pinch more.

GF Peanut Butter Cupcakes

I have been spending a little more time on making cupcakes this last year. It turns out there is a whole underground subculture with a cupcake obsession. As a result the web is full of cupcake junkies with blogs.

I got decent at making chocolate chip cupcakes for the kids birthdays from the Pamela’s chocolate cake mix (I used milk instead of water and added chocolate chips).

To contend with the many non-GF baked goods that are paraded in front of Beezus at school, at birthdays and at fairs/carnivals/amusement parks, I need to stay up to date on creative, new and inventive ways to make cupcakes. I need to make our diet more and more appealing to stay current with the gluten competition. Luckily I have always enjoyed healthy, and not so healthy, competition. I love the whole free market crushing your opponents with better products. Game on!

Reese’s Peanut Butter Cupcakes
This recipe is converted to GF from the blogger Cupcake Queen on her blogsite . I also consulted Martha Stewart’s newer cookbook Martha Stewart’s Cupcakes: 175 Inspired Ideas for Everyone’s favorite treat.

Ingredients:
1 package Gluten Free Cake Mix “Devil’s Food” (Betty Crocker)
1 cup water
3 eggs
1 stick butter

½ cup peanut butter
1 teaspoon vanilla
2 table spoons baking coco/coco powder

1 Snack Size Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup

Directions:
Preheat oven to 350. Add together the Gluten Free Cake Mix, 1 cup water, 3 eggs, ½ cup peanut butter, 2 table spoons cocoa, 1 teaspoon vanilla and lastly add 1 stick butter softened at room temperature. Mix on low for about a minute and switch over to high for another minute or two. Check to make sure all dry ingredients (especially at bottom) or sufficiently blended.

Place Reese’s cups at bottom of each lined cupcake holder. Use ice cream scoop to place batter on top Reese’s cups - Martha recommends this a more even cooking cupcake.

Cook for 18 minutes. At least start checking then. I found it took slightly longer, closer to 20 minutes.


I felt that these came out AMAZING. Light, fluffy… just much better than any I have made yet. My man, also really loved them. The kids actually did not like the Reese candy at the bottom (I tried both the snack side and the minis). Thus I made another batch without the candy at the bottom which they liked a lot more. Because this utilized more batter the cupcakes cooked for at least 5 minutes, maybe closer to 10 minutes longer.


Icing:
For Icing I used Betty Crocker pre-made frosting which is gluten free. I try avoid using this, but there are times when you are rushed and an easy backup is always wonderful! For the Easter holiday I threw on this icing with a Peep on top and done! Some kid friendly, gluten free, peanut butter cupcakes. Woohoo.

Icing in general is easy to make gluten free and I have a bunch of recipes I want to make… I will try them out when I get a chance and post.

The Happiness Post: Gratitude

This picture is one of my absolute favorites. It really shows both Beezus and Ramona very happy with their aunt. It is perfectly in theme with this weeks post.

2010 was a hard year. We found out that Beezus had Celiac Disease. Beezus was hospitalized briefly for HSP. Finances were tight. Jobs were scarce. My man found a new job. Our entire family moved to a new state with extremely cold weather. I moved from my family and the neighborhoods that was my home for 30 years! We struggled to get our fixer home on the market in a short time frame. Our home still has not sold and offers have been a bit demoralizing. I learned a couple hard life lessons about friendships and relationships in general. It is not too surprising that happiness was not a focus in 2010. For my family survival became our main focus. I know of many friends who have had rough times in the last year or even this year. I worry about us all.

Life moves on though. It does not slow down due to change, crisis or stress. And I am grateful that life keeps moving, so no one gets stuck living solely in the lows! As my children love to sing occasionally, “the sun will come out tomorrow, so you better hang on till tomorrow!”

In 2011 my family and I are ready to move into a new phase. Survival with high levels of stress hormones circulating through our veins is not good enough nor is it healthy. We are ready to pursue happiness and South Dakota seems like the best place to pursue it.

I will now start my mind and body happy posts. Once a month I will dedicate a post to ways in which my family is achieving happiness as a goal, as well as, ways I am maintaining a happier and healthier life style. I hope to have great ideas that the important people in my life can use to achieve a little bit of happiness.

For the month of April:
I started reading “raising happiness 10 simple steps for more joyful kids and happier parents” by Christine Carter, PH.D. I can not say enough good things about this book. I will recommend this book to all the parents I know. I will also recommend this book to my mother, my sisters, my friends or anyone who wants to achieve a greater sense of fulfillment and happiness.

This book is chalk full of strategies to create and maintain healthier and happier people. This book bases all tips/strategies on empirical and valid research by leading social psychologists (including my old professor from UC Berkeley – go bears! - and he is an amazing individual – also very happy guy). I do not believe you need children to utilize the strategies or to read this book!

I can not get through everything this book has to offer in a singular post. So, I will simply state one strategy my family has already utilized in the last couple weeks.

In chapter 4, “Step 4: Choose Gratitude, Forgiveness, and Optimism” Carter cites research in which people who exhibit gratitude are more likely to be happy. She suggests implementing a plan in which the entire family lists things they are grateful for on a regular basis and writing it down.

When I read this I doubted the effectiveness, but not because I didn’t believe in the results of the studies. I instead doubted that applying this mind frame to my own family would change our lives for the better. I doubted our abilities to be happier: a rather large fundamental flaw in my own schema. It is sad how after a hard year, or a hard couple years, it is so easy to express learned helplessness. This is a psychological condition in which there is a false perception of having a lack of control over a situation – as wiki would put it, “a condition of a human person or an animal in which it has learned to behave helplessly, even when the opportunity is restored for it to help itself by avoiding an unpleasant or harmful circumstance to which it has been subjected”. Even having been educated in my social psychology course about learned helplessness I am guilty of falling right smack into it.

However, I decided to try this activity out - as I am changing my old habits - and I am grateful that I did. :-)

At dinner time two Fridays ago I asked my family to list off five things we are grateful for.

I can tell you that I have NEVER seen happiness occur as abruptly, purely and just plain enthusiastically as I did when I requested their gratitude proclamations. Dinner was not unhappy before this suggestion, it was not melancholy: we were simply having a typical dinner. We were all connecting and talking about our days, the good, the bad and the ugly. We smiled a bit and maybe we laughed. But nothing compares to the unbridled joy when I asked my kids to come up with things they were grateful for. My children were literally yelling over each other with gigantic smiles, giggles and laughs. They did not stop at five things. My man more reserved, less trusting, skeptical –similar to how I had been initially at this concept – did come up with a list. When it was my turn I was surprised how hard it was at first, even knowing what we were about to do. Once I started my list out loud it got easier and I felt satisfied and content. It was one of the most amazing family moments we have had yet.

As the book will state gratitude is a mind set that will aid in happiness through out life. It is an important trait to practice with ourselves and our children. Teaching kids to grow up grateful with these activities will lead to long term happiness and not simply dinner time giggles.

I am sure I will continue to post activities and insights from this book that we have used. I encourage others to try the gratitude exercise. It was an amazing and healthy moment in our lives. It is time to have a few more of those.

GF Cooking with Kids

I love recipes that are not meant to be gluten free, but are by nature. GF cook books try so hard to convert recipes, specifically convert breads and baked goods to GF breads and baked goods. Whole cookbooks focus primarily on breads and tricks to make GF cooking taste like gluten. Often times adding more fat to subsitute and enhance taste.

I feel that the GF crowd loses potentially great meals that do not rely on bread and pasta based products at all or new recipes that avoid the baked and pasta goods entirely by substituting with a healthier alternative. An easy example is switching a recipe that calls for a bed of noodles with mashed potatoes or a bed of rice. The concept that all meals have to include some form of gluten baked bread-y/pasta starch is ridiculous and even unhealthy for those without gluten intolerance.

Western culture meals push a need to have excessive amounts of bread, pastry and pasta carbohydrates. I am not a nutritionist; however, according to my research there are many other healthy and even healthier ways to achieve the 250 grams of carbohydrates needed in a 2,000 calorie diet (the nutrition information via FDA is based on a 2,000 calorie diet), like nuts, seeds, legumes, fruits and vegetables.

This is why I always keep an ear open for recipes that do not NEED fake gluten to taste good…

I keep my TV running at home, not all the time and certainly not when my kiddos are home, but definitely when I am home alone and need the noise for company.

While doing the dishes I had on a morning show. I hate to admit that I have no idea which one. My attention was caught when I over heard the host interviewing the author Lisa Lillien. Lillien writes a series of “Hungry Girl” cookbooks. Her gimmick is making nutritious meals that are low calorie. This particular morning she was being interviewed for her newer addition 300 under 300. Lillien is not a gluten-free author by any stretch. Nevertheless on this particular morning she went through a series of fast and easy recipes from her book and one of those recipes was how to make a “healthier” pizza using a portabella mushroom as the bread/base of the pizza. She also suggested using turkey pepperoni instead of beef. Of course this grabs my attention, because this is gluten free and healthy!

This particular recipe is amazing for a few reasons.
1. You can cook it with kids easily.
2. It is fast and uncomplicated to make.
3. It is healthier than regular pizza.
4. Gluten free pizza’s sometimes suck.

My learning this recipe happens to coincide with an article I read last week in the March issue of Parenting magazine about the benefits of cooking with your children in the kitchen. In short, studies conclude that cooking with kids leads to them making healthier food choices and having healthier eating habits in the long run, they learn scientific/mathematical concepts, they are more likely to eat their meal (which I love), they learn how to cook (duh!) and of course it is a great way to bond while getting a dinner done.

For a Beezus particularly, having Celiac Disease, it is imperative that when she leaves home she is well equipped to cook well balanced meals that are gluten free. She will not be able to just wing it like most of us did the first few years of college. It is extra crucial she starts learning to read labels, call manufacturers and cook/feel comfortable in the kitchen.

So we made portabella mushroom pizzas. The girls helped make the tomato sauce. We do tomato sauce from scratch to avoid gluten contamination, because many tomato sauces are gluten free, but many are made on equipment that also makes products with wheat. The girls also helped me fill their mushroom and sprinkle cheese, plus cut up olives. I was leery on how they would turn out. They are fantastic! Beezus had two and she is normally my light eater.

Here is the recipe:

Ingredients:
Portabella Mushrooms
Tomato Sauce
Cheese (mozzarella)
Olives, Pepperoni (other toppings)

Directions:
1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Cut the stems off the portabella mushrooms. Wash them off, place on cookies sheet in the oven for ten minutes.

2. Now, take out the mushrooms. They will have “leaked”, soak it up with a paper towel. Spoon the desired amount of tomato sauce on top the mushrooms. Sprinkle with the desired amount of mozzarella cheese, put on whatever topping selection.

3. Place it back in the oven for another 10 minutes still at 400 degrees. Take them out and let them cool. Presto!

Lillien suggested for mozzarella cheese sticks. I used our pre-grated cheese from Sam’s Club to speed the process along.

The kids literally did every step except the soaking up the mushroom juice. It was definitely a great kid recipe, especially a celiac kid recipe!

How we make our quick impromptu tomato sauce.

1 tomato sauce (S&W Organic Tomato Sauce 15oz)
1 can of tomato paste (Contadina 12 oz)
1 can chopped tomatoes (Del Monte Diced Tomatoes 14.5 o)

Your favorite spices – we used Black Pepper, Garlic Salt, Thyme and Basil.

Stir on Medium to Low heat for ten minutes. This is super fast, easy, the kids were able to do everything expect the can opener.

When I do a more elaborate tomato sauce I add in ground beef and chopped spinach (a lot of spinach – it is the veggies in disguise approach with the kids). This makes a super heavy, really healthy sauce that would be too much for pizza. I imagine you could sub in ground turkey for ground beef to minimize calorie intake.

The amount of ingredients make more than enough for the pizzas or one nights worth of pasta, so I save it and make other GF pasta’s/pizza’s through out the week. This constantly saves me a little work later on.