The word box and acceptance

Today I write from the place of no work and no school. The semester has let out and after a week of writing paper after paper I done with school! In the meantime I thought maybe I would dive into work; however, the photography field is seasonal. I have no work for a couple months.  No work and no school makes blindconformity a dull girl - and gives her ample time to harass the world with blog posts.

So, I thought I would impart one of my favorite parenting techniques, along with a bit of parenting wisdom.

The Word Box

Once the lovelies, by lovelies I mean kids . I know this might be confusing when they scream, yell, draw on the walls/tub and stuff the cats in boxes, but they are still lovable. So, when these lovelies start school a parent might find themselves (at least in kindergarten, first grade & second grade) overwhelmed with words the kids come home needing to spell and read. If any of the these children struggle with spelling (as both of mine have– yeah, I know, they take after me - laugh it up) then you might find yourself desperately wanting them to be prepared, and you might feel intimidated by keeping track of all the words they need to master. Thankfully there are ways we can help that are easy and do not require much money. I call this the word box.

Making the word box:

I took a shoe box (let my daughter decorate it), bought index cards and I write out each word on an index card. Date the index card words, so you know how far back in the school year the word was supposed to be known. The magical ingredients to the word box are M&Ms (the milk chocolate ones are gluten free) AND special spelling markers (just markers called special and only brought for word work). All parts go into word box when it is not in use.

The word drill:

1. Have kiddo spells the work, reads the word, then spells it again – give an M&M for reading it w/o help.

a. This helps her hear the word & hear the spelling, not just see the word & spelling.

2. Once done with reading all the decided upon words (I try to keep each go around less than 20 or even 10 words) – I randomize the deck – and I read them off to her and she will write them down with her special markers that no one else can touch. Each one she gets right, she gets an M&M. AND if she spells it right on paper she gets to read and spell it out loud gain. (We used touch -through writing, hearing through reading spelling out loud, and, obviously, seeing).

This is very dry (and not great for nonverbal kids); however, when dealing with learning difficulties sometimes fancy is not the way to go.

Word strategies...

from a teacher with a master's in teaching reading and who I highly respect.

1. Hide the index cards around the house, so that your child has to find them and then read them.

2. Pick books that are easy so the child gains confidence.

3. Have your child look through books, magazines, newspapers and find words they do know.

4. Make simple sentences. Have the child read the sentence. Cut the sentence up so each word is separate and then have the child glue the words back into the correct order.

My daughter has frozen up on strategy 3 due to lack of confidence, so sometimes I sit next to her with an easy reader book open and find the easiest words on the page and make nonchalant commentary, like “oh, look here is the word ‘cat’” or “look I found the word ‘what’ – we just went over that!” I act as if I am finding them for my own entertainment, not for her benefit. She usually joins in, but sometimes she knows what I am up to and gets pissed. Just depends on her mood.

Lastly, reading to animals is great for the kid and even the animal. On truly tough days we grab one of our fur balls -cats can conveniently sit in laps and dogs are okay with feet resting on them. I found that these pets are the children's furry saints a lot. Productivity goes up and so do spirits!

My Parenting Tips and Wisdom:

I am no genius, but due to parenting for 8 years and getting a psych degree, plus working in education a bit, I like to think I know, at least, a couple things I can share.

1. I focus on accomplishment always! Positive reinforcement, positive reinforcement, positive reinforcement! I have her high five me, give her a hug, give her m&ms when we get through tough words or simply state "that was a tough one, great job". When we mess up we move on without much commentary, maybe a small correction. Sometimes I supply the truly hard words to keep the flow going.

2. I try to tolerate anxious behaviors like moving around during reading, kicking her feet out and slowly slipping off the couch. But sometimes I just say matter of fact, "sit up", and then follow up with a distraction/redirection from the command, like "oh look, we are on page 20 - that is awesome work." This is to keep her from noticing that I am giving her a command and continue to be positive.

Anxious behaviors are frustrating; however, they are a result of the child being frustrated! Kids hate feeling behind peers and bad at a task. I am very grateful I worked with kids, years ago, that had learning difficulties in first grade. Every kid who was behind in the class had an anxious behavior (leaning back/rocking in chairs, throwing pencils, erasing/rewriting and erasing/rewriting and erasing/rewriting), and a lot of them relied on those behaviors as coping mechanisms, a way to distract me from the task at hand, and trying to avoid the inevitable - feeling inadequate at a school skill. Do not spend too much time on those behaviors, do not get negative - just causally, but firmly redirect and move on. (Sometimes easier said than done).

3. Here is my parenting tip for parents who realized that their kids are not, in fact, perfect: Have realistic and loving acceptance for your child.

Most parents do - how can we not love our kids and still see them as perfect the way they are! But what it is not often said is that parents with children that have special needs have to have that love and acceptance AGAINST a society that might not. Society stigmatizes against these kids and their parents.

I have a teacher this year that is on me about my daughter being late to school three times this semester and for letting her go in the front door vs the back door of the school. It made me feel as if all her difficulties in school came down to our morning routines. It is most important at that moment to remember that the criticism, especially in the IEP, is a result of the teacher looking for what is wrong with us, instead of seeing us as normal people with typical deficits. Do not lose sight of how awesome your kids and you are, just because a teacher, family or friend has.

4. Focus on talents! Let's face it, we all suck at something. We try to hide it, but we know it is there; however, we are all brilliant at something too. I have a daughter that really struggles with reading and math at school. But that same child is an amazing artist. She gets, and has always gotten, praise from teachers, peers and family. She is good and she knows it. Not only do I nurture this - I love it!

Above all keep in mind - we all fit in somewhere.  And that is not just fluffy talk – it is the truth!

Lots of Love - Happy Monday!