And the summer hits! Despite how prepared I thought I could be, I
am not. I am a day and a half in and spent. Ha! I have also dried up blogging.
As per usual, I blame pregnancy.
But the kids are going to make me
active, and as long as my body cooperates, I will blog about our summer. See
how many activity ideas we can come up with (through friends, internet research
and our own ideas) to make summer interesting. Hopefully we can include GF
snacks and the occasional parenting tip I am trying out. You know, the usual.
Day
Two of Summer:
Beezus has always been a child that
needs a routine. When she was four I told her she was not allowed to have
cookies unless it was treat time. I kept them on the top of the fridge out of
reach. When I accidently left them on the counter, Beezus brought the box of
cookies into the living room and stated "these go on the top of the fridge",
reprimanding me for not sticking with the routine. I wish I could say that this
particular habit continued, but with age came mischief and a sense of dislike
for certain rules, not to mention a need to push boundaries: this aside, she
still works best with structure and routine. I made the rule today while
walking to the park that the kids could only be three to four sidewalk squares
ahead of me, due to my fantastic pregnancy waddle! Beezus is the child that
kept turning around and/or walking backwards to count the squares, trying to
match my movements. Ramona slowed down for a couple minutes, stuck her lower
lip out, swung her hips a bit and then got fed up. She stomped off defiantly
and then got reminded of the rules (repeat that little power struggle over and
over till we get to park). The point is, Beezus still needs and wants
structure. Ramona needs and wants to know where the boundaries are. Because
Beezus does well when she knows what to expect, suddenly being out of school is
like an unknown, unpleasant abyss. What is she supposed to do with this? She doesn’t
know... and then the anxiety, expressed in frantic energy, slips into her/our
day. This leaves me with an eight year old following her sister, or I, around
with consistent chatter and demands. Sometimes she de-evolves into a cat, but
we hope someday soon she will grow out of that.
The plan for today is my dad and
sister visit from CA. Originally I thought they would be here at 10am, only to
realize at 10am they are going to be here at 10 pm. Oops. Big oops. You see, I
did not plan out anything! I did not make a point of having the car and now I
have two kids sensing a growing void, an anxious mom and one kid needs a plan
quick! I go to explain the time change
to my children; thus, preparing them for the change in plans. Ramona was more
concerned with how many days they are going to be here, "will they be here
for two days???" I am not sure how that fits into the explanation of night
arrival, as apposed to the pre-discussed morning arrival, but "nope, they
will be here three days Ramona."
Then, with concern, she asks about
the weather, "what will the weather be like?" This question Ramona
also asks every night at bedtime and sometimes in the middle of the day. She is
obsessed with tornados, thunder storms and wind.
"It is going to be sunny, just
like the last couple days, see, look out the window."
"Mom, can you look it up
online?"
"Sure." Of course the
internet says there is supposed to be a thunderstorm tomorrow, but maybe that
won't happen. I will deal with that crisis later.
Beezus is much more on topic and
painfully articulate. I said, "Turns out grandpa and auntie will be here a
little later..." she interrupts and gets straight to the point, "you
got AM and PM mixed up, didn't you?" Leave it to Beezus to be on the ball
and for me not to be on the ball. You may have figured out through
knowing me or reading me, I am not a routine person. I am the person that
leaves her cell phone under her seat in the car, in the fridge, drops her ipod
in the bath (still works), sets multiple alarms around her house to remind her
to pick up kids, goes shopping and gets everything we need expect water or
milk, forgets to pay the bills till lights are shut down, but usually remember
to water plants and kiss kids goodnight. I like to think I am lovable and
always get the important things like cuddles done, but I can be scatter brained. (On the flip side my house is wicked
organized due to many moves and I am on the ball with raising my kids… little
adjustments have been made to accommodate priorities in my life). AND I am blessed with routine daughter and I
am learning routine through my daughter. Yet, needless to say the morning degenerated
rather quickly without a backup plan. Beezus begins to bounce herself off the
couch. She rambles on and on and on and on about Harry Potter. The books, the
author, the movies, the facts I don't know well enough to repeat. In truth she
names so many facts about Harry Potter that it starts to sound like it's own
gibberish-y language. And then the quizzing starts. "Mom, did you
know...?" (Inside I am screaming, not the quizzing, not the quizzing!)
In a controlled state of panic, I
finally get the kids to play Lego's; however, this degenerates into a fight,
because Beezus claims Ramona is ruining Hogwarts. It is hard to fight with
Beezus on this particular accusation, since I have no idea what she is talking
about! And it is only 11am. We have to make it till Daddy gets home and Mommy
can hide in the other room for a bit.
Well, what to do when a mom is lost,
alone in a house with two children, that are both demanding solutions to their
inner anxieties, increasing mommies inner anxieties? Ask other parents on facebook what their plans
are. Obviously! It is known that the better parents of the world, who have
pre-thought out the entire summer and have their calendars up, marked with neat
schedules (probably color coded) and well researched with creative, insightful,
better activities will help... right??? There is always that mom with her
blackberry that has every play date, camping date, weekend schedule figured out
to the minute. I knew a mom once who had planned out a camping trip for every
weekend of the entire summer, had swim team for her kids planned for every
afternoon and literally filled play dates in the mornings.
I find that mommies are awesome (on
and off facebook) and will always help; however, sometimes it is not quick
enough to dig this mom out of the ditch she is currently stuck in. With both
children sensing clear anarchy, their intensities begin to rise. Mom is doomed,
children sense this too. Hell, the cats probably knew that we were seconds away
from Lord of the Flies.
(Cue overused light bulb). "I
know! Let's go the park! We can play on the swings!" Sure we have been there three times in the last day and a half and one
child is clearly too tired to make the walk, but what the hell right? Restore
order, make a plan, fill the abyss with a picture in Beezus's head of swings. A
nice plan to walk to the park and swing.
Beezus = sold!
Ramona = too tired to be sold and
needing to continue to push boundaries.
But hell, with one child willing to
cooperate
Mom = sold.
Thus, Ramona will suck it up. And,
bright side, what an awesome and necessary opportunity for me to use the
"Parents, Kids and Power Struggle” book strategies I am currently
re-reading (for the 100th time).
I can work with Ramona on her emotional intelligence AND, get this, get
her into her shoes and out the door! The fact that I am seven months pregnant
and feel my uterus slowly slipping out of my body is certainly unimportant. We
will have to instead brave the 20 mph winds and the blasting heat and get down
to that lovely green pasture called parent heaven. A promise to tire out your
children, give you a bench to read a book and possible even make the kids feel
a sense of planned activity.
It is here, in parent heaven with my
cell phone, I got some neat ideas from friends and the internet to share!
The List (so far) via Facebook and Internet
searches...
From My Aspergers Child: Get
a visual calendar together based on a list constructed by you and your child
for the month. (This is a bit of a 'duh', but what I like about this
advice, and find different, is the suggestion of creating the list collaboratively
with your child - communicating expectations for the summer). Ideally this will
utilize Beezus's strong suit - organizing/being a bit bossy and Ramona's strong
suit - art. The calendar needs to be aesthetically pleasing after all.
Work on a language. I was
not sure about this suggestion, but decided, why not? I think Beezus and I will
work on Chinese, as she wants to, and I want to have an ongoing bonding
experience with her that does not include Harry Potter. Maybe we will speak the
same language when we are done.
Craft projects like sewing
(not sure Beezus will do that, but we can try), pressing flowers/leaves.
I love this idea, because my own mom still has a place mat I made with pressed
flowers from my daycare. So pressing flowers goes on our list and it happens to
coincide with a goal entirely our own..
Get a garden going. (So
far we have a couple flowers, a tomato plant, a strawberry plant and all are faring
nicely).
Tire swing. Actually, an
idea my man and I have tossed around and it would eliminate consistent walks to
the park. (Great for swollen pregnant feet).
Baking. (This naturally
appeals to us).
Starcraft.... (a friend
suggested in jest, though video games have uses). They might be a
little young for this one. :-D But they do still earn 20 minutes of Xbox time for completing
a couple chores.
Put up a tent in the house
(or outside) with snacks, blankets, pillows. (I really like this one too!)
Animal Shelter volunteering
(that is one the kids and I put on).
Make cards for nursing homes
to deliver. (This is one I never would have thought of and absolutely
love!)
Park, aka parent heaven time, went
well. I got cell phone/Internet social time, ideas for other days, read more of
"Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles"
(a book a highly recommend and is a great summer read -especially with the kids
home more). The kids swung on the swings at the park AND guess what!? My
eight year old pumped herself! Oh the years I waited for this proud moment. I
just see her getting physically stronger and stronger (gluten free diet
working, finally). This is a happy day! In fact, there is little I like more
than seeing my daughter who struggled with motor skills and physical activities
making progress!
While we were at the park, with the
kids sufficiently distracted, I came up with a plan for the rest the day. Disaster
averted, and new back up plans for the day when "let's go to the park"
does not work.
The
Epilogue of the second day of summer:
Ramona eventually gives into exhaustion, falls asleep on the
sofa (without a power struggle - joy!). Beezus gets anxious about having
nothing planned for the hour her sister is sleeping before Daddy gets home,
becomes a cat, jumps on Ramona. Ramona sleeps through this. Mom calls Beezus
into her room. Explains the new plan: for one hour mom is going to write,
Ramona is going to sleep and Beezus will come up with a quiet game, Daddy will
get home (saving mommy - Beezus did not get that part of the plan) and then the
family will grocery shop, have dinner and greet Grandpa and Auntie. Beezus
requests the game Life from downstairs (which she refuses to go down into -
another story). Beezus plays Life against herself, interrupts her mom to give
updates on the game... mom promises to play the game with her later... and
reminds her it is one hour of quiet time. Second Day of Summer almost over!
